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Michael Newton-McLaughlin

Joined: Dec 2, 2001
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Country: United States
Province/State: California
City: Los Angeles
Response to Rape leading to an Abortion
Jan 14, 2004

((I did not realize the thread was closed, but felt that after composing this, I should to share it))

In an earlier thread, I said that my mom considered abortion and that instead, decided to have me. The reason she considered abortion, is because my dad - her newly wed husband at the time- was a drug addict. I was very unplanned, and my mother had a lot of emotional scars because of my dad's drug abuse, and was worried that I might have brain damage or something. Again, I would prefer you all not to patronize me with the whole "Arn't you glad your mom didn't kill you' comment. Frankly, coming from the perspective of forsight that I can as a sentient being, I can answer that myself. Life is great - I am glad I am here. However, I think that my mom should have probably choose abortion if the small growth on my forhead had grown any larger - luckily it did not by the end of the first trimester. I still have the birthmark above my right eye. As far as I know, it was just a benign thing. However, barring that, I still would have supported her decision if she knew deep down that she could not handle having and raising me, that it would be to painfull.

Look, I am not going to convince aanyone of their own beliefs and views. I am not sure how I came to be pro-choice, I used to be ardently against abortion, period. I think having a very emotional talk with my mother helped quite a bit.

Another addition may have been the story of one of my friends- Derek. Derek was a foster child - he is now an adult, in college. He was the product of a rape... and unfortunately, in 1983, his mother could not get an abortion that was safe - though desperately sought one. You see, to me, a collection of cells may or may not be a child from conception. By all accounts, sperm is a collection of millions of single cells and have the potential for life. Maybe we should all stop masturbating. Yet what I think matters, more so than most people seem to give credit for, is that a life giving a life should be a precious and loving thing. Yet if life giving a life is instead a thing of horror and pain and with little preciousness to it - then perhaps a life should not be brought to full fruition. Derek's mother committed suicide shortly after he was born, because she was catholic and went to a catholic psychologist who did not condone or try to help her with her feelings of angst and discontent with her child, but instead made her feel guilty for feeling little connection with the life she had just bore.

Many may think that if you do not want the child, just give it up for adoption is the answer. This may be one answer, and if this is an option for the mother, then that is fine. Yet part of me also realizes that a pregnant woman, much like a garder, can nurture their young before they grow or are born. If there is little love, because of such a traumatic experience, then that will also reflect on the child. Derek has been a manic-depressent since age 7. He has been in jail a few times, and despite him being one of the top people of his class, feels little sense of accomplishment. I truly hope he can get through this current state of mind, and am glad that he is here with us today. Like myself, Derek also feels that he would have been ok if his mother would have aborted him.

This does not speak for more than 2 people, and really probably only one - myself. However, I sort of was a little trite at the poster who said that we were going through an 'intellectual excercise' here on this thread. Aye, we may be... yet I find it rather disturbing that he take so poignant sides of issues without any emotional (beyond tempers) attachments.

Often times we get stuck in our models and 'think tanks' and message board forums without considering the actual Jedimike's or Derek's - and instead we become abstractions. Maybe this is just because it is easier to dissassociate ourselves from those individuals from statistics, or perhaps because in a world this big, looking at the individual is almost an implausible if not nearly impossible task. But I have digressed from the issue.

The woman in Aboganta's story has a name, and she is by all means entitled to it. Perhaps some entity(ies) or a God does indeed see all children as blessings - and this I cannot some how prove or disprove 'beyond a doubt' as Aboganta requested. What I do feel is that we are all part of a collective global conciousness, and that all of us are interconected to something we little understand but are quick to proclaim truisms about. In light of this, I think that sometimes a child could be a blessing on the world, but only at the expense of the serious blight of another- the mother. I can never understand what being a woman, or conceiving, or giving birth is like. What I do understand is the pain from being abused and harmed almost beyond repair. Perhaps, then, aborting the life that exists (as a collection of cells, again, is life - be it a child or just a living organism, depending on your own values) will be a blessing to the mother, and perhaps to the cause of stopping further rapes from occuring. As a society becomes more cognizant of an issue, and people share heavier burdens, they react to them.

Let us not abandon this issue, but step lighter.

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Member Profile Jedimike PROFILE TIG Messenger TIG MESSENGER

Joined: Oct 18, 2002
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Gender & Age: Male, 42
Country: Cameroon
We met at last!
Jan 16, 2004

Jedimike , you made a number of good points in your posting which I should not comment about them again but give you the credits for such insights.

I was wondering how I was going to post the feedback of my last discussions with Mariana since the post was closed (even without my consent. It’s like many of my posts these days get closed before they are concluded. I’m not surprised; everything about Abongta seems to bread maggots)

Well I listened to Mariana conclude her story the best way she could. She has finally resolved to keep the pregnancy . This I might not really take it as a success on my part for I did the couching and she has taken the decision. It’s her success, it would be her joy or pain ever after depending on how she would take it.

I think it’s a victory for the baby; he/she would have a chance to experience life and decide in some time to come if her mother’s choice was a good or bad one.

Well in the ten commandments of the Holly Bible, we are told ‘thou shall not kill’ – be it a ‘clot of blood’, ‘cluster of cells’, ‘bunch of tissues’ etc, the commandment remains and hold true. Welcome to the world junior, in some future date, you might have the option to save the lives of other innocent babies on their way to the guillotine as some of us did yours today.

Mariana left my office smiling and feeling much relief than I ever saw her before. It’s like she was happy to get the load on her shoulders removed but her final decision.

All along, I had to make sure she was not acting under pressure that she was not acting on my dictates. She assured me all was well and that the decision was personal. She even told me she had visited another counselor before making her up her mind to keep the baby.

Even though she convinced me she could take care of the child, I made her a little offer of 150,000 FCFA equivalent to $286.00 US for her shopping.

It’s been quite an adventure in my beautiful country Cameroon. As I take off in a few days, I am satisfied with a Christmas season filled with adventures.

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Member Profile Abongta PROFILE TIG Messenger TIG MESSENGER

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Country: India
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Oct 16, 2017

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