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Ray Ovac
beigetreten: May 12, 2004
Beiträge: 9
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Civility, maturity, mutual respect
July 7, 2004 - 11:05 AM
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When people of differing opinions discuss such volitile subjects as violence, conflict, war, terrorism, cultural differences, religious intolerance, politics, and the use of force there are likely to be passionate feelings on both sides of any debate. It is human nature for us to become emotionally attached to a position on a subject that has such a strong meaning in terms of action and other people's lives.
However, regardless of our position on specific matters, we should all agree to try to remain civil and respectful of others...especially those with whom we disagree. While I know that it can sometimes be difficult to not associate a person with their opinions on such subjects, we need to realize that it is not our opinions that make us who we are...it is our actions. So, in spite of the fact that we may disagree on specific issues (many of which are the cause of terrific pain for people around the world), none of us (as far as I know) are involved in the horrible acts that are being discussed. Instead, if we judge each other based on action alone, we will see that we are engaged (outside of our normal lives with family, occupation, academics, and recreation) in: discussion about these issues.
While others in the world are taking no positive action and (worse yet) actually involved in causing problems, we are doing something productive: we are talking about these issues and trying to (regardless of our position) learn more and teach others. This is a very noble activity and because we take the time to try to understand (and encourage other to understand), I think that everyone here should be proud. I personally admire each and every person that I have discussed these topics with here and while I may vehemently disagree with the *positions* that some people take, I try very hard to divorce the *position* with the *person*. Sometimes, in moments of weakness, I fail and I usually try to apologize when I do. However, I know deep down that no matter where someone stands on these subjects that they are (if only because they take the time to participate in the dialogue) good persons.
I bring this up because I have noticed a lot of personal attacks going on lately. I have observed people (on all sides of different issues) showing a lack of respect for those on the other side. As I said, I am probably not without blame either, but I sincerely try to keep the *position* separate from the *person*. Allow me to keep this in the context of self - understanding so that nobody feels that it is directed to them. However, if you believe that any of this describes you, you may want to consider making an effort to make both yourself and this forum better:
(continued)
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Ray Ovac
beigetreten: May 12, 2004
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Country: United States
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(continued)
July 7, 2004 - 11:07 AM
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* When I attack other people or ridicule them for their position, I demonstrate my own lack of personal confidence in both myself and my position as I have failed to show any weakness in the opposing position and, so, feel the need to take the person on.
* When I verbally insult another person, or ridicule them, I am (in effect) attacking their personality. Because this can (and does) cause pain to the other person, what I am doing is actually not any different from physically attacking them. I cause pain and feel that my own opinion or position on a particular issue is more important than the happiness or comfort of a fellow human being.
* When (as described above) I verbally attack another person and cause them pain, I have already made the decision that it is OK to use force to ensure that my position is maintained. This means that morally, I am likely capable of doing physical harm to promote the same position as hurting someone else (in any form) is something that I have shown is appropriate for me.
* By doing this, then, I really am hypocritical anytime that I promote peace or denounce others (nations, groups, etc) for using violence or force. While my methods are different (they cause emotional pain as opposed to physical pain), my motives, morals, and inability to control myself when defending an idea show that I am no different at a basic level than those who cause physical harm in the name of an idea.
* When I do this, I also encourage others to do the same. While I may not see it directly, I know that there are people who are younger or less mature than I am who look up to me and respect my opinion. By acting this way and suggesting that it is OK to hurt others to promote a position, I set an example that is dangerous. For every person that I influence to use force to promote ideas, there is someone who is now more likely to hurt someone (physically or otherwise) who I care about just because they do not agree with them.
* In spite of the fact that I am well - educated and articulate, when I attack, insult, or ridicule another person for their ideas or because they have a particular opinion, I demonstrate my utter lack of education and inability to be consistiently articulate. When I was being educated, I learned to visualize ideas and separate them from those who were presenting them to me. I didn't (for example) understand physics in terms of my physics teacher...I understood it as an absolute idea where my teacher was just a vehicle delivering the idea. The less that I have had this experience (separating ideas from those people or books that present them), the less likely that I am to be able to do it when discussiing opinions (ideas) with those who hold them (the vehicle for delivery).
* One of the hallmarks of maturity is the ability to separate ideas from actions. When we mature to a point where we are psychologically capable or raising children, we learn that there are times when we need to perform an action inconsistent with our ideas. For example, we may love our child and wish them no harm...but, when they do something wrong we disipline them. This is not because our ideas have changed...we still love them. However, we know that the action and the idea are separate. We also know that eventually our children will understand this themselves as they mature. Further, when we are married we learn to separate thoughts from actions. Many people, although they love their spouse very much, have brief moments of temptation and even desire to act outside of their marriage. While these brief desires may be shameful, it is the ability to prevent oneself from acting on such impulses that defines maturity in such a relationship.
* Therefore, when I attack, insult, or ridicule another person I am demonstrating a lack of maturity. By taking action (personal attack) when my opponent has only presented ideas, I have shown that I cannot separate their thoughts from their actions.
* When I attack another person verbally, I also know that I am weak - minded. Because at the moment I lack the intellectual ability to articulate a counter - position to my opponent's points (facts or logic supporting their position), I use the blunt weapon of insult as my response. My doing this, in effect, I am conceding defeat and striking out at my own inability to respond.
* Even when my opponent uses such methods, by responding in kind I am not only doing everything above that I have described, but I am also prove their point. By responding to their personal attack (on me as a human as opposed to challenging my point) by issuing my own attack, I am showing that I am deficient (in a way) as a human and deserve their attack. I, therefore, validate their action and invalidate my own. I have turned them from being the lesser person by acting in this way into the greater person by both proving their point for them and dehumanizing myself.
* Finally, when I insult or attack another human I am insulting my own family, my community, my nation, and the rest of human race. Further, I am degrading the dignity of this forum and human discourse. By not stopping myself from making such statements I am effectively conceding that it is impossible for humans to have rational and civilized discussions about those subjects that most desparately need discussed because I cannot rise above the basic desire to hurt others. I drive yet another nail in the coffin of humanity by condemning it to fail in a pit of animalistic satisfaction (attack) instead of proving that there is hope for us all by refusing to take the easy and most satisfying route.
By affirming that these points (above) are true, I recognize the damage that I do by insulting or verbally attacking any one of you. By doing so, I also think that I become a little bit more motivated to stay above such crude methods. I hope that each of you will read this and do the same. I cannot promise that I won't do this again...I can promise that I will legitimately try not to.
I'll provide one final anecdote to drive my point home. About two years ago, I was sitting in a bar in Brussels watching the news on a television. The news was CNN and there was a report about a terrorist incident. I commented to the bartender that those who committed this act were animals and that I could not understand how one human could do this to another.
The man sitting next to me at the bar (who I later learned was from an island in South East Asia) spoke up and began to have a debate with me. Over the course of the next few hours, I learned that he believed that there were times when he believed that these terrorist groups were justified. Needless to say, I was frightened and angered. Sitting next to me was a man who believed that killing an innocent human being was justified in certain circumstances to support a political position.
During the course of the discussion, I asked him if he personally would ever commit such an act. His repsonse to me was one that I will never forget. He said that his opinion on what justified certain terrorists to act and his personal actions were two different things. In other words, he separated his position on the subject of terrorism and his person (i.e. - his actions). I left the bar that night with complete hatred for his position and the opinions on the justification of killing innocent people. However, I also left the bar that night with respect for the man that I had been talking to as a human being.
I told him, right before we parted, that if he had told me that he would have ever considered acting himself to harm an innocent person to support his beliefs that I not only would have stopped talking to him but that I would have left that night sincerely disliking him as a human being. His response to me was that I would be justified in doing so...and that this was the difference between opinions and actions.
We should all be free to believe anything that we wish to and should also be free to speak in any way that we wish. Our opinions are just thoughts...things that, alone, have no ability to act. I choose to judge people on their actions, or inaction. Based on actions, I respect all of you. The actions that I am mostly aware of are that you all take the time out of your lives to communicate with other people from around the world to both try to understand and be understood...in this case regarding some of the most important subjects facing our world. These actions are those of decent human beings.
However, from time to time one of us chooses to speak ill of another or insult another. When we do this, we are taking action...and it is negative. When I see this, it offsets the good that I see and it tarnishes (although ever so slightly) my opinion of the person and not their opinions.
So, in closing, I challenge all of us (myself included) to try harder to keep the discussion about ideas. We are free to hate ideas and despise opinions, but I think that we should all work to only show respect to each other as people...regardless of our feeling about the positions of each other.
In the end (as most of us know) it is "Deeds, not words" that define us as people.
God Bless
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