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selvakumar
Joined: Jun 28, 2004
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Undesrstanding Disabled people?
June 30, 2004 - 09:29 AM
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Once disabled people have grown up..They have to come to across so many emotional issues in Education , Career, Friendship, Love and Family..
Do they get what they deserve? Are we really understanding them?
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April
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Re: Undesrstanding Disabled people?
June 30, 2004 - 02:01 AM
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udara2004, i like your story.
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Ilona Ann
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Hello Everyone
June 30, 2004 - 02:23 AM
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I being a disabled person would like to speak on this matter from my side of this issue.
I have Cerebral palsy and in 1990 I also contracted Encephalitis. I was completely paralyzed from my waste down. Now it is hard to have Cerebral Palsy but it was even harder to have partial paralyzes. I had to learn to dress myself, feed myself and to learn to walk again. I was in a wheelchair from 1990 to 1997. What helped me in all honesty were not people’s pity, but them treating me as they would anyone else. My own daughter would tell me, “Mom, deal with it,” when I would feel sorry for myself. That sounds cruel but it is not cruel, but it made me do all I could do to help myself improve.
Since then I am no longer in a wheelchair. I still have loss of feeling in my left leg and trunk of my body, and my hands don’t work so good, but I can function and I am a productive citizen in my community because people treated me as normal as they possibly could and made me do all I could to help myself.
I am now a Minister of God, and a social worker that deals with others who have disabilities. So if you really want to help those that are disabled, follow these few steps.
1) Treat us as people, because that is what we are.
2) Don’t stare at us, we know we are different.
3) Don’t take for granted because we are disabled, we can’t do something. Let us try.
4) Most of all love us, because we need love not pity.
5) Show us the same respect that you would show towards others who are not disabled. Showing too much kindness and being overly helpful is very uncomfortable for us, and make for a very uncomfortable situation.
6) Give us dignity and let us be a part of the society that is moving forward. Don’t push us aside because we are different.
7) Most of all never view a burden or us as useless, because if given the chance, some of us can do great things for ourselves as well as for others.
Thank you for allowing me to share my personal experience and point of view.
Take care,
Brighteyes
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April
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Re: Undesrstanding Disabled people?
June 30, 2004 - 10:31 AM
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Well....hmm. Its a hard subject to talk about. The disabled people in this world do have to deal with so much, and it isnt fair that they have to. There is no way that we who are not disabled can fully understand what the disabled are going through. At least not without putting ourselves in their shoes. There are also different types of disabled, there is mentally and physically disabled. Having a physically disabled parent myself, i witness first hand what they have to go through. Its hard, and stressful, but somehow i have seen that most if not all disabled people find strength in them that no one else has. They find the strength to go on and live their lives, its truely amazing.
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selvakumar
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Re: Undesrstanding Disabled people?
June 30, 2004 - 11:47 AM
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Thank u April,
You are correct. Being a disabled person I have come across all those issues in life. How did you feel when you see a disabled person. Sympathatically ..u treat them like anyother..
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Gene Winston Owens, Sr.
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We All Disable OurSelves,
June 30, 2004 - 12:15 PM
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we not only disable others by parking in Handy Cap parking spaces to just not getting to know those who are disabled just because they look so much different or can't speak in our Language or throwing down trash where even the blind can fall from to leaving our bikes right in front of the store's door 'cause someone might take Our bike and on and on. But even worse than those We all try to be some one who We were not made to be, to mire in self pity so far that We become our own worse Enamey (and the saying that your are only as strong as your worse enemey does not work here)
Two of my best Friends are Steavey Wonder and Ray Charles, never meet them in person but any time I have to do some thing that there is no way for me to see I just close my eyes and pretend that I am one or the other and We are all three there and I never know which one of Us is guiding my hands.
My youngest daughter Elaine is a Mongalode and my oldest step daughter Michelle died at 38 with a brain stem dagenarative disorder without a name, she has a larger vocbular than anyone I have ever known. And Elaine trys harder than anyone, too. And I have learned from many more but I have never meet any one who has not taught me something even though I have had to take some of that learning in Reverse.
Peace/Out, gene
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April
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Re: Undesrstanding Disabled people?
June 30, 2004 - 12:26 PM
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Well, when i see or meet someone who is disabled, i treat them like anyone else. I know that some dont like to be treated different, and i know i wouldnt want to be. I dont really feel sypathy towards people who are disabled. In some ways, they are luckier than those of us who are not disabled. What about you? You mentioned that you are disabled yourself, what do you do when you come across someone who is also disabled?
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Gene Winston Owens, Sr.
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I help all even if they don't know they have needs
June 30, 2004 - 12:33 PM
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and I try to not let them know that I am there to help. I just pitch-in. peace/out, gene
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Udara
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A STORY
June 30, 2004 - 12:54 PM
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Hope you would like this story, remembered while
seeing the discussion 
A Store owner was tacking a sign above his door that
read: "Puppies for Sale". The signs have a way of attracting
children.
Soon a little boy appeared at the sign and asked, "How much are you gonna sell those puppies for?". The store owner replied, "Anywhere from $30-$50."
The little boy reached into his pocket and pulled out some change. "I have $2.37, can I look at them?" The store owner smiled and whistled. Out of the kennel came his dog named Lady running down the aisle of his store followed by five little puppies. One puppy was lagging considerably behind.
Immediately the little boy singled out the lagging, limping puppy. Heasked "What's wrong with that little dog?" The man explained that when the puppy was born the vet said that this puppy had a bad hip socket and would
limp for the rest of his life. The little boy got really excited and said "That's the puppy I want to buy!" The man replied "No, you don't want to buy that little dog. If you really want him, I'll give him to you."
The little boy got upset. He looked straight into the man's eyes and said "I don't want you to give him to me. He is worth every bit as much as the other dogs and I'll pay the full price. In fact I will give you $2.37 now
and 50 cents every month until I have him paid for." The man
countered, "You really don't want to buy this puppy son. He is never gonna be able to run, jump and play like other puppies." The little boy reached down and
rolled up his pant leg to reveal a badly twisted, crippled left leg supported by a big metal brace. He looked up at the man and said,
"Well, I don't run so well myself and the little puppy will need someone who understands." The man was now biting his bottom lip. Tears welled up in
his eyes.... He smiled and said, "Son, I hope and pray that each and every one of these puppies will have an owner such as you!"
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selvakumar
Joined: Jun 28, 2004
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Re: Undesrstanding Disabled people?
July 1, 2004 - 01:23 AM
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Understanding..Half of the life definitely everybody should have understanding life partners. Incase of disabled people the level of understanding should be more. Do really "disabled people" get understanding life partners in their life irrespective of their disability?.
then other point is accepting disabled people as friend..When we accept disabled as our friend definitely we need to care more..
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April
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Re: Undesrstanding Disabled people?
July 1, 2004 - 10:26 AM
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Well, in response to the life partners i completely agree. Unfortunetly the really "disabled" people, if their disabilities are very strong, it can cause more stress on both them and the life partner. Therefore after a long time, they might lose some of their understanding. Its sad, but true.
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April
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Re: Undesrstanding Disabled people?
July 2, 2004 - 01:13 AM
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Kiranmayeev. I would like to ask you something. You mentioned that the people who desregaurd or try to avoid their own "flaws" are disabled. Well i would like to know what you think about someone who is desabled acting like they are "healthy", fine. When they realize that they are, they just dont want people to worry about them or treat them like children.
Selvakumar. I like what you said about the sympathy turning into love. Well that can be true, but i think it could also go another way. Sometimes, simpathy can turn into resentment. Like a feeling of pity gone on too long. What would happen then? If a partner turns to resentment of their disabled partner's inability to be "Normal". The effects could be bad, its sad.
I would like to put out here a thing called bestbuddies. Its a program for non handicaped people to befriend a handicaped person. To help them learn and grow, and to give them a true friend without simpathy. The website is bestbuddies.org. There is also a branch of it that is emailing a mentally or physically handicapped person. The website for that is www.ebuddies.org. Its a good program.
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Kiran
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No one likes sympathy
July 2, 2004 - 01:18 AM
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I did come across many people who are having some sort of handi cap. either as faculty, colleague, Distant cousins, kids of family friends, etc. In all these cases, I observed that none of these like to have sympathy, but, rather, they try to and in most cases do exceed in, get along with the rest lke what we term as normal people. They have some remarkable abilities that make them outstanding persons in their selective fields.
If I am not wrong, some of our inventors and discoverers are people with Some sort of handicap.
But, when we see from a different angle, No one in this world is a normal person. People who appear to be normal are many times disabled when it comes to their thinking and their actions. How many cases didnt we hear in this world about those people who lead normal lives and prove to be pschycos. Or suffering some trait that is not revealed to general public. In my view a real disabled persn is the ne who doesnt want to accept the defects that are there in him/her and live with them , but instead opts to live a life of Hyde and Jekyll.
And those who cant see people with handicaps as normal hman beings are to be termed as disabled persons.
When it comes to Life partners, the stress would be more on both of the, if one is a person without any physical or mental handicap. Mainly becasue, this prson can never understand the trauma of the other person.We may say that we know the problems, but till suffering is different from viewing.
But, I cant understand why people hesitate to make even friendship with these people. Friendship is something that brngs solace to minds, whoever it is and every hman in this world is in need of a true friend, a friend who can share their views, go along with them when required , guide them, etc.
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Terri Willard
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DPI World Summit
July 2, 2004 - 11:41 AM
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Hi selvakumar,
Thanks for starting a great thread! Hmmm... I wonder if we might be able to get sponsorship for a few more youth to participate in the DPI World Summit being held in September in Winnipeg (where I live). The event details are online here on TIG at http://www.takingitglobal.org/opps/event.html?eventid=5307. One of the main themes of the conference this year will be youth. The disabilities community is starting to recognize that it hasn't always been very inclusive of youth perspectives in the past and wants to try to change that.
I won't be able to attend the whole Summit, but I'm supposed to be on a panel about the World Summit on the Information Society on the 10th. It would be great to meet up with more TIG members at the event!
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selvakumar
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Re: Undesrstanding Disabled people?
July 2, 2004 - 12:18 PM
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April, I agree with you. It would be very difficult for non-disabled people to accept disabled as their partners. When it happens bcos of the follwing things,
sympathy, social and family force and proverty in developing countries.
Among these sympathy can be acceptable. Sypmathy will be transformed into real love after some time.
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