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emmanuel Enow

Joined: Feb 25, 2008
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How to make a good partner
Jul 17, 2013

Some admire the relation ships of others and ask themselves how they can build a good and sustainable relationships too.
some say from the beauty, the behavior,the rules you make from the first day, knowing well that person before starting a relationship, building the love over time and so on but none of these seems to be the answer as an old man said marriage is a university to never graduate.
Do you have an experience of finding and making a good partner? Have you learnt and have something to share with us?
many people will need your help share with us

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Farhad

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Re: How to make a good partner
Jul 21, 2013

There does not seem to be a definite answer and the whole process seems to be relative. It depends from people to people and from conditions to conditions.

Human is a complex system and when it comes to having partners, often it becomes more complex.

We are always learning. Learning about ourselves and our partners. Facing both positive and negative results.

Of course that does not mean to give up. Life and life partnership are full of joy.
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emmanuel Enow

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Re: How to make a good partner
Oct 30, 2013

some time ago in Africa and even till today, some families select the wife or husband for their children and it works well at time.


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Re: How to make a good partner
Nov 4, 2013

With time a partnership is evident to show its outcome. There is nothing called a good partner. Rather one ask for compatibility then partnership.


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Farhad

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Re: How to make a good partner
Nov 14, 2013


gike wrote:

some time ago in Africa and even till today, some families select the wife or husband for their children and it works well at time.


I am not sure you mean selection or suggestion.In an Iranian traditional etiquette, the family usually suggests a girl to a guy but that does not bring any commitments and obligations unless both the girl and boy agree on marriage.
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emmanuel Enow

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Re: How to make a good partner
Nov 20, 2013

People select and suggest. for example there is a current case where a girl brought a man and the family is refusing they cannot get married.
hahhhhaaaa true story isn't that funny


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Farhad

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Re: How to make a good partner
Nov 22, 2013


gike wrote:

People select and suggest. for example there is a current case where a girl brought a man and the family is refusing they cannot get married.
hahhhhaaaa true story isn't that funny


Whose family? The girl's or the guy's? Why do the family oppose?
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101blackcard

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Re: How to make a good partner
Apr 23, 2016

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whatoneneeds

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Re: How to make a good partner
Jul 21, 2016

There are various myths about what makes a good partner. For instance, it’s a myth that a good partner has to agree with what you say, do or think, according to Mudita Rastogi, Ph.D, a licensed marriage and family therapist in Arlington Heights, Ill.

“Sometimes, a great partner offers you a perspective that you would not have otherwise imagined.”

It’s also a myth that “one partner should have what the other does not,” said Jenifer Hope, LCPC, a psychotherapist with over 10 years’ experience working with couples and families.

“We have all seen romantic movies where a character professes how they cannot possibly live without the other because they complete them.”

But this isn’t what makes a good partner. What makes a good partner is a complete partner. As Hope said, a half plus a half doesn’t equal two. “Two complete, whole people equal one happy couple.”

A good partner also is honest, respectful, loyal, forgiving and humble, she said. And they have “the capability to provide unconditional love.”

Below, Rastogi and Hope share some of the other elements of being a good partner.

1. A good partner loves themselves first.

“Couples often come into my office with the misconception that you should put your partner’s needs before your own,” said Hope, who practices at Urban Balance, a group practice in the Chicago area.

The problem is that people will give until they have nothing left, she said. This not only depletes partners but it also leads to “resentment, hostility and [disconnection].”

Knowing your needs and taking care of yourself is key for your health and well-being. It also gives you the energy to be a good partner.

2. A good partner stays attuned to their partner’s needs.

According to Rastogi, a good partner knows their partner’s goals and dreams. They also know what their partner considers “to be supportive and loving behavior.”

They know because they may check in with each other every day, she said. Or they may ask questions directly.

Rastogi shared this example: One partner says, “You sound angry. What’s that about?” The other partner responds with: “I’m not angry. I’m anxious and worried.”

This allows the first partner to ask how they can be supportive.

3. A good partner understands the true meaning of 50/50.

A common complaint Hope hears from couples is that one partner is doing more of the work. A 50/50 partnership in a committed relationship differs from a business arrangement, she said.

“There are peaks and valleys in every relationship.” For instance, one partner may be attending school or struggling with a loss, and the other partner may pick up the missing pieces, she said.

However, “as long as the roles do switch throughout the relationship, then it is ‘50/50.’”

4. A good partner is a good listener.

Being a good listener goes beyond hearing what your partner says. Rather, it’s “paying attention to their message” and “being non-judgmental,” Hope said. For instance, ask yourself: “Am I being sensitive to what they’re saying?”

This also includes asking your partner for clarification and sharing how you heard their message, she said. It helps to minimize miscommunication.

5. A good partner is a good communicator.

Being a good communicator entails paying attention to the words you choose and the tone you use, Hope said. That’s because “what you are saying may not be what your partner is actually hearing.”

Hope gave this example of a couple she’s working with: The wife, who’s currently in graduate school, was struggling with an assignment she’s been working on for a month. She complained to her husband, who has experience in the same field, that she couldn’t figure it out. He said: “Just let me do it; it is very easy.”


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madihakhan

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Re: How to make a good partner
Jul 30, 2016

even I m still finding a good partner and still don't know how to make a good partner


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