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Oke Rotimi
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hey..
August 29, 2003 - 03:58 AM
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I think it all depend on individuals to determine what they really want and to be able to define the main reason they are going into the relationship.
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Mr. Frodo
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Re: hey..
August 29, 2003 - 06:20 AM
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Hey, this sounds a lot like it should go under the massive, extremely successful thread started by Ubono2carpediem about the exact same subject. Hmmmm...
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tim
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Re: hey..
August 30, 2003 - 02:10 AM
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okerotimi,
i could be wrong, but i think that maybe you meant to put your post under the thread, "sex be saved for marriage?"
if so, then i appreciate your comment. if not, well, all of us at TIG still appreciate your involvement.
have a great day,
tim
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Crystal_Abongta
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Sex should be for Marriage!!! who denies the fact??
September 10, 2003 - 03:55 AM
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Well it might depend on how you look at it as some say but then being a youth of substance means knowing what to do, how to do it and when to do it. From a positive point of view, sex for any youth who keeps in contact with the mind should reserve sex for marriage. There is no need in crossing bridges before reaching them else you would step on hot coal before you know it.
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serenity
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Before.. after.. whatever..
November 29, 2003 - 01:48 AM
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Seriously, why should everything be turned into an issue!.. Sometimes I don't understand people. (Make that most of the times)
Sex is a part of life and life is not a part of sex. It is a natural procedure for any species on planet earth unless we're amoebas or something of that sort.
Ok.. lets say we do blow it out of proportion and make it an issue.. when you love someone then does it matter?? Do you put this as the first thing in your head when you determine if you like someone??
I have seen people who love each other immensely and suddenly this whole sex thing springs up .. did you like it b4 me.. did you enjoy it.. the guys get jealous and evasive and want to know about every previous thing that happened, the women act even wierd. Suddenly nothing is the same and you ruin the next numerous perfect days of your life.
Then there are other individuals who will oversee their own short comings and start prying and questioning another persons short comings.. while wanting everyone to oversee theirs..
Whatever.. I think that most people cannot get over this and arn't broadminded enough to let it go. What does it matter?? Actually, is it so important that we loose the sanity of our mind?? If you think its not right don't do it, use your discretion, but dont thrust your discretion on soemone else.. moreso, if you're doing it then dont expect miracles from the person you love and don't have double standards..
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Crystal_Abongta
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Before.. after.. whatever..
November 29, 2003 - 06:51 AM
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Originally posted by dreamscoper
Seriously, why should everything be turned into an issue!.. Sometimes I don't understand people. (Make that most of the times)...
Sex is a part of life and life is not a part of sex ...
...If you think its not right don't do it, use your discretion, but dont thrust your discretion on soemone else.. moreso, if you're doing it then dont expect miracles from the person you love and don't have double standards..
Hello, Dreamscoper
It’s good to keep to the topic ok that would make things easier for us.
Well that might be your opinion but then with regards to morals, the fundamental fact is that sex should be reserved for marriage. It’s due to a bad acculturation that unmarried couples dive into pre-marital sex and this is precisely one of the factors that is fanning pornography into the wild the world over today.
All moral authorities abound justify to this reasoning, the Bible from time immemorial testifies to the same course, all positive ethical doctrines affirm to the same reasoning I am not teaching you I hop. But the bad seeds, those who shamelessly want to justify their canal desires would tell you sex should be allowed between any two who love themselves genuinely. I am not surprised; the word ‘genuinely’ to them can be a variable or is relative.
Just take a look at the so-called love, I would already tell you it’s actually a confusion between desire and real love. Any union between two people that is build on sex – the so-called love is bound to fail sooner or latter. For example, look at how one of them flares up when he/she is denied sex at a particular moment.
Real love before marriage takes into account each other’s emotional, psychological and moral well being. The partners want to know how each other is doing and how they are living on, not how many times they can have sex.
Real love has three main components, Intimacy, Commitment and Passion. Because of selfish or dubious intensions, many a people capitalize on the passionate side even in the wrong way and that’s how they turn their partners into sex machines. We all know the consequences of such acts. If it’s not a resultant pregnancy that would end up being called ‘unwanted’, it would be a Sexually Transmitted Infections or HIV. Real love fights against ‘unwanted’ pregnancies, STIs and HIV and not the other way round so there you are my good friend.
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serenity
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Hey Abongta
November 29, 2003 - 08:16 AM
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Hello .. hope you're doing good.. lol.. my previous remark was for those people who cannot get over it.. and was in no concern with whether the topic should go on or not. There are people out there who do not know the real meaning of love. They don't know at all what love is..
Its more like suddenly they find faults with each other and then, everyhting is off! .. You are right about what you say. What I was implying though is that when two people find love in each other they should not all of a sudden let past issues haunt them and ruin there relationship.
There are some people who make mistakes and realise it some who don't, but that should not determine the rest of thier life, they should learn to leave it all behind and lookover the mistakes for a better life.. 
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Benedikt Nyger
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Re: hey..
December 1, 2003 - 11:36 AM
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Hi Abongta, I totally agree with you in this point. Sex is a very intimate thing or in other words: Sex is the bodily manifestation of love. Therefore I want to marry and then have sex not vice versa.
Greetings,
Nyger
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Crystal_Abongta
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Re: hey..
December 2, 2003 - 01:15 AM
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Originally posted by luke
There is no such thing as a fact when discussing sex...
If you only love once in your life, I feel sorry for you. If you only have sex with one person in your life - you'll never know what you are missing.
That is just how the funny little stage of life is constructed. Everybody desperately tries to make sure what they belief in holds water. Often we forget that no matter how much you try, deviating from the normal leaves you tired, weary and wanting.
If you should spend your time justifying why developing hot-pants before marriage is just ok then we need to check what stuff you are made of.
Nyger talks so well of chastity, I wander of you know what that word means, I wonder if you know that being a man is being able to keep your emotions right, being able to just what is right from what everybody else is doing. Following the popular side most of the times without knowing to where the train is heading is a sign of mediocrity.
It should only be people of your caliber who think that knowing a woman better is messing around with a couple of them. One sad aspect of our lives can be getting confused between facts and opinions. Intimacy and Passion function in the mind like parole and water that have their separate functions in the same engine but would never mix. Intimacy pairs up with commitment, it lets you discover the person you are dealing with and appreciate the person better.
It’s not getting mixed up in sex that you get to know each other, that’s only one means of draining the kinetic energy in you. You seem to be insinuating that discoveries go with sex when it comes to relations which I strongly oppose.
You should know better than I do that most of the so-called love that is constructed on the shaky grounds of sex never lasts long, some might trickle through with a stroke of luck I don’t deny the fact. Get to know that it’s not by testing the cake everywhere that you master the recipe.
We all know habits die hard and so sleeping around with anything on two legs in the name of love before marriage would be replicated in marriage. Hardly would an automatic change fall on you when you get married, your wife would just be one of those girls you’ve been sleeping around with.
Any man with the right mind knows what he wants before setting out on a hunt. It’s not the target to set your standards, you rather set your standards to attain an objective so talking of fooling around with woman to be able to know them is behaving like a police officer who sets out to catch a thief with a prayer that the thief leaves his escape plan behind.
Our imaginations can create wonders as much as it can destroy and once we can control it, it controls us. Things get worst for him who surrenders to his imagination. That is why it is said ‘manners makes a man’ I’ve hardly ever heard of the reverse.
I would advice you reexamine your posting and I assure you that you would change your view. The force of a man lies in his internal being, the chemistry of his internal processes, what could be termed the conscience. The worst thing that can happen to a man is when he losses touch with his internal being. Such a person becomes a play thing to the external forces of society and swigs about like a pendulum.
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Luke Lieberman
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Re: hey..
December 2, 2003 - 02:41 AM
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Nyger - when you get a little older you will discover that you cannot make someone else happy if you are not happy.
The love is not genuine if you are not happy. Certainly relationships are full of sacrifice and selflessness. I know - I have been there - I have sarificed - you begin to comprimise your life for anothers.
And then somewhere down the line, particularly when you are growing and still changing, you discover that this person is not what you want - and you follow your heart away from them.
I have left girls and they have left me - and it was always because we didn't yet know who we are or what we wanted.
Nyger - you only think you know yourself - but if you have not yet been tested in a relationship - if you have not tried living with someone - then there is much that you still do not know. Life is a learning process - you will forever discover yourself - and intimate relationships with other people is one of the ways you make that happen.
Don't talk to me about selflessness kid - I've worked extra jobs to help finance my girlfriends dreams.
You have to know what you want and who you are before you enter marriage - many marriages have been destroyed because the people in them discovered only too late that they had chosen a life and a partner that did not fit them properly.
Your words betray much naivete.
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Luke Lieberman
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Re: hey..
December 2, 2003 - 03:27 AM
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It is funny that you somehow think having relationships before marriage means you are going to cheat later in life.
I never cheated on any of my girlfriends. I will not cheat on my wife either. But see I already know that about myself because I have been faithful - even when it was difficult, even when we were apart for a long time and I had ample opportunity to stray. I have already passed that test.
My first love I was with for three years, we lived together. This is not running after anything with two legs.
And kid, there is nothing desperate about my writing - I don't need you to validate my feelings. I don't care whether you think it holds water or not.
I am quite content.
"You seem to be insinuating that discoveries go with sex when it comes to relations which I strongly oppose" - Abognta
How would you know? You've never had it so you don't know what you'll discover.
If you don't think you will learn something about a person from the world's most intimate act then your just well... wrong. It is a whole new world of discovery.
Of course sex can be totally meaningless if it is with someone who doesn't mean anything to you. But it can also be very meaningfull if it is with someone who you care about.
Believe it or not the Marriage cerimony does not dictate whether or not you care for some one.
"Any man with the right mind knows what he wants before setting out on a hunt" - Abognta
How will you know what to search for if you have never been hunting before? Perhapes when you go on the most important hunt of your life - it should not be the first time you have ever held a spear.
The best hunters know how to use their spears.
You seem to think that sexual relationships make you lose touch with yourself - and that can sometimes happen - but more often you come to know yourself more deeply. You see I speak from experience.
I'll end here because argueing this with you is pointless - we will never agree -
- For a man of some worldly experience your wife is not simply some girl - what a rediculous thing to say -
- your wife is your soul mate, she is the end of your hunt when you look no further because you have found your match. You can recognise her fully because you have seen the world and know something of love - that is why you know she is for you.
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Luke Lieberman
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Re: hey..
December 2, 2003 - 06:56 AM
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There is no such thing as a fact when discussing sex - what is right for you is right for you. The most passionate, free spirits I know have had a number of lovers before finding their true soul mate.
If you only love once in your life, I feel sorry for you. If you only have sex with one person in your life - you'll never know what you are missing.
sex is an intimacy which lets you really know a person - at a deeper level then is possible through simple conversation - there is another level of experience and communication.
I have been in love 3 times so far each lasting a few years. Each time I have come to know myself and what I want out of life and out of a woman.
These were all incredible experiences and I cherish knowing all of them - two are still close friends.
Abognta - you are dealing with alot of sexual repression - and you try to make it a virtue.
Choosing a bride without any experience is like a blind person choosing their favorite color.
This is not to say that Sex is all important - but it is a powerful component to a relationship - I would rather my marriage was not my first experiment.
All the elders in my family (5 couples) have all been married for at least 15 years - and some as long as 30. All of these people had other lovers before marriage. When they finally decided they could feel confident - they knew who they were and what they wanted. And due to this knowledge their marriages are all in tact.
I am not condoning all forms of wanton sexual behavior - sleeping around will only get you burned in the end -
but if you look at someone and you love them - and the feelings are real and mutual - then it is not important that it will last forever - no one knows what the future holds. Live the moment. Learn about anothers soul and so discover your own.
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Benedikt Nyger
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Re: hey..
December 2, 2003 - 08:43 AM
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Hi Luke,
your last posting saddens me a lot; it is full of intolerance. You should reknowledge that chastity is freely chosen very often. It has nothing to do with "repression".
But with your words you fully underline Abongta's reservation against selfishness. "When they finally decided they could feel confident - they knew who they were and what they wanted." I already know who I am and what I want. I don't reject what I want. But love doesn't deal with "what I want" but with what the partner wants. Love is self-gift. This self-gift brings self-fulfillment. So your own words prove you wrong.
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serenity
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ohh wow!!
December 2, 2003 - 11:46 AM
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I think that this is a very personal thing for everyone.. the views really differ from person to person. What is more important is that you should be clear about what you want and should not be prejudiced about anything and not to have double standards. As long as you're not affecting anyone in a detrimental way, or causing someone to do something he wouldn't have otherwise done.. well then .. what can you say.. its all a very personal thought.
Some think it ok to have sex before marriage and some dont, at the end of the day, we all follow different schools of thought and what works for us. At the end of the day it depends on what our values are and how we are brought up as well as what we believe in..
If you think having to go around with many peeps b4 marriage is cool and it works then its great. .. but it will then give you no right to question your partners past life relationships.. cos that would be having double standards. If you think that having sex b4 marriage is not good and you wanna stick to the after marriage thing .. then thats great too.. as long as it makes you happy and you dont thrust it on your partners face and say stuff..
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serenity
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Hola!!
December 3, 2003 - 01:59 AM
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Originally posted by luke
you cannot make someone else happy if you are not happy.
I agree with what he is saying.. you cannot make some else happy unless you are happy with yourself.. you cannot give something you do not have. *cheers*
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