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Olexi
连接： Jan 27, 2004
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Re: sex before marriage
November 18, 2005 - 05:37 AM
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seems you're enjoying the self-image of a "connaisseur", Luke? Your points are really exact, but you seem to be unable to see the topic from, lets say, more traditional point of view.
Let call a spade spade, people who approach the topic should clearly state whether they stick to religious or liberal tradition.
Yours,
Oleksiy )
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Azira Aziz
连接： Nov 26, 2003
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Re: sex before marriage
November 20, 2005 - 12:26 PM
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Anyone of y'all saying that it ain't worth a dime to wait till after marriage to have sex is simply kidding him or herself.
Seriously, would you rate the person you're marrying and choose according to how good the bedroom romping is? I dunno about you ladies and gentlemen, but I'd rather have my pick of the opposite sex through all that romancin', sharing of thoughts and minds, and *cough* all that is non-sexual. I think that it's rather shallow saying that you need to test all of the goods before bonding to one. It is a rather disturbing thought.
Alrhough it is true that all species, even humans are beings of baser instincts, do draw a line.
Maybe it's a cultural thing, I dunno. I respect anyone elses' rights and decision to screw the living daylights of anyone else with mutual consent, but for me, ah, no.
I figure it's worth the wait, and come on, 99.9% of men I know including Muslim men has watched porn, and it's not like I can't resort to the Karma Sutra or any other how-to books should I be curious to know. We have boundless info at our fingertips, utilize it. *giggle*
Excuse me if I have the romantic notions of wanting my first time to be special and more dignified that an experimental romp in the backseat.
Oooh, I am a bad girl.
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Crystal_Abongta
连接： Oct 18, 2002
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Re: sex before marriage
November 21, 2005 - 01:40 AM
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Originally posted by ChibiMelody
...Oooh, I am a bad girl.
Well!! Hoping I’ll not be censored this time and to say the most, I agree with your posting so you ain’t a bad girl ok.
Get your self a candy for this post for I have my five fingers up for you
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Şenol DÜLGER
连接： Jul 29, 2004
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Re: sex before marriage
November 21, 2005 - 02:53 AM
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i have been following this conversation and it goes to interesting points. i really appreciate all of yours approaches to this item but i think that it is sometimes difficult to express for individuals that they are for sex. you can find scientific (?) and/or moral evidences for being against sex. you can check the Kur'an, the Bible and other holly books, you can take sb to witness your opinion. but do you think sex is sth scientific?
in my opinion behaviours and their results are personal, and if it is prohibited morally or by religion, only perpetrator can be responsible. and if you are adult and do it consciously, it is not kind to say that your activities are completely wrong or religiously prohibited. everybody has their ideas and we are only responsible to respect their approaches.
so, i agree to whom express their views...
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Luke Lieberman
连接： Feb 13, 2003
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Re: sex before marriage
December 7, 2005 - 01:05 AM
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"but I don't believe in those statistics."
that's because he is making them up.
I don't think anyone is advocating jumping into the sack with whoever looks appealing on Saturday night.
But people who wait till marriage usually get married VERY young - which is often a mistake.
Look at the Catholics. I know alot of religious catholic Hispanic families where the girls are all married at 18-20 and start having kids immediately.
In first world countries people usually wait until their late 20's or early 30's to get married - and no one is waiting that long.
I don't know ANYONE who has waited until marriage - except my Mother, who got married at 19 and divorced at 20.
And the idea that my friends will have a marriage which is any less "Special" is absurd.
Chibi talked about a relationahip of depth with deep emotional rapport -
"I'd rather have my pick of the opposite sex through all that romancin', sharing of thoughts and minds" - Chibi
I fail to see how these things are mutually exclusive. I have had very deep relationships with girls that have been romantic, emotional, psychological AND sexual.
often the physical intimacy hightens all the other aspects - you are talking about "Sharing of thouhts and minds -
try having a conversation lying naked in bed at Dawn - you've been talking all night - you have shown you most vulnerable side.
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Crystal_Abongta
连接： Oct 18, 2002
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My point again
December 7, 2005 - 03:05 AM
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Once again I come onboard. I just hope this homily of mine retold with some repetitions of what I’ve said in this same thread would strike a chord deeper in may souls this day and that I’ll be more tolerant as has been the cry in here each time I post.
History teaches us that people believe what they want to hear. Lies can sound so true when people are starving for truth. Even whole societies will feast on their promises. The Inquisition was based on the lie that some people could force other people to change their religious beliefs. American colonists believed the lie that people of one race had the right to own, buy and sell people of another race. More recently, hundreds of thousands of people believed Hitler's lie that the Jewish race should be eradicated. Most of us can hardly imagine that anyone could have believed these lies. And yet we swallow other lies all the time.
Scientific studies indicate that relationships that involve pre-marital sex fail. A relationship that starts with sex usually last only 2-3 years. A marriage usually runs into trouble in 3-5 years. If a couple have sex prior to marriage, it may start to fade just when the marriage troubles start, and the strong sexual attraction may not be there when the couple needs it most.
Sex before marriage changes your future in so many ways!! There are negative risks both spiritually and physically. Will their love for each other last a lifetime? I suggest that their sexual relations are self serving. They are cheating themselves of the intimacy that God intended.
If you have sex before marriage you will never know whether the relationship is based on a true "kinship" with that person or just sex. I think sex before marriage is wrong because the Bible tells us that it is. Sex comes with a lot of complications that even an adult would find hard to handle, not to mention sexually transmitted diseases.
Sex before marriage? Yes, many have done it and they are terrible sorry that they did it. Is it God's wish for us? No, it's not. God should be the priority in our life and all else will follow according to His plan, that way you can feel better about yourself and avoid all kinds of consequences for your deviation from God's desires.
True love waits! A premarital relationship should be able to grow and thrive without sex. I encourage youths to develop a relationship that does not depend on sex for oneness.
Though you cannot imagine it now, sometime in your future you will really regret having sex before you're married, if you should keep on doing it. You are free now to do what you want to do but just know, without a doubt, it is true that sex before marriage will hurt you inside.
If you have sex before marriage you lose your virginity and when you get married you are not giving your whole self to your spouse. Sex outside of marriage is like playing Russian Roulette. You never know when the gun will fire or the person has an STD.
Those who have been doing it can testify that sex before marriage is ultimately damaging their sexual relationship with the one they eventually married. It is much wiser to wait and experience that person and have that person experience you for the first time without expectation of things that were before.
If you don't marry that person who you've had sex with, then the person who you do marry won't get the entire you. Sex is like a beautiful gift. It's only one special gift that should not be wasted on just a love fling.
Sex is a precious gift from God. This gift can only be given away for the first time once. Wouldn't this be a great gift for that one person who will be with you for the rest of your life? The Bible says that we are not supposed to commit adultery and having sex before marriage is considered adultery, so it is called sinning.
If you love them you'll be willing to wait until marriage to have sex. It will make it all the more special. If you truly love someone you will respect them enough to wait until marriage to have sex. It's not worth the risk of pregnancy or STD. It's not fair to your future spouse.
Purity seems archaic; abstinence impossible. Why wait when everyone else is getting the goods now? It’s just sex — the subject of nearly every movie and primetime show, even magazine ads. What’s so special about it? In a sex-saturated culture, waiting till marriage seems outdated and prudish. Pleasure is the name of the game. But that’s not the whole story. In addition to the risk of contracting STDs and AIDS or getting pregnant, premarital sex leads to emotional distress, distrust, regret and emptiness. That’s because sex connects two people in body and spirit; it’s impossible to separate the two. If you’re planning to give away your virginity, or are hurting from past sexual experiences.
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LolaSkye
连接： Dec 6, 2005
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Re: sex before marriage
December 7, 2005 - 09:38 AM
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I'll have to see those "scientific studies". Fact is, those who won't engage in pre-marital sex are mostly (I am not generalizing) people believing in some kind of religious structure and therefore want the marriage to work no matter what. One of my friends is strictly catholic, waited till marriage to have sex, the husband was caught cheating twice but she will not divorce because she firmly believes in God and only one marriage. And even if you don't believe in being married just once, you'll try to if you're such a believer.
On the other hand - those who do engage in pre-marital sex don't necessarily fail in relationships. I believe both sides have its pro's and con's. I don't think you should engage in it lightly, however, I do think if there's enough trust in the relationship it doesn't necessarily mean it will damage it in any other way it wouldn't have been damaged had you waited till marriage. And considering both of us here are in our 20's, marriage is something we don't talk about yet. Call it cultural difference maybe - I do believe it has a lot to do with this - but I don't believe in those statistics.
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Crystal_Abongta
连接： Oct 18, 2002
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Re: sex before marriage
December 7, 2005 - 12:36 PM
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Originally posted by LolaSkye
but I don't believe in those statistics.
As controversial as you sound, I bet you’ll have to think it over again and why not reexamine the basis of your arguments
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LolaSkye
连接： Dec 6, 2005
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Re: sex before marriage
December 7, 2005 - 12:55 PM
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I disagree with the original post, I respect your opinion though. My opinion regarding the issue is, having a lot of sexual partners is something I personally find disgusting. However, if I find someone special enough and know him inside and out, why wait till marriage? And what if neither of us plans to get married any time soon? I just started my new career in humanitarian affairs, he's quite busy too, but we've known eachother for 7 years. Started dating recently - fact is, the sexual tension is built and and the trust is there. If the mutual trust and affection is there then the first time sex with that special someone is just as special as the wedding night. At least I think if you have a respectful partner he or she will make it special enough. I deeply respect those who wait till marriage and I praise them for that because God knows I could never do it. I was raised catholic so I was clearly raised to believe I should wait.
So I don't think it's wrong. I think it's a choice - an individuals moral and a decision only one can make without having to be judged for it (unless you sleep around like there's no tomorrow  )
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LolaSkye
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Re: sex before marriage
December 8, 2005 - 02:07 AM
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Originally posted by luke
"but I don't believe in those statistics."
that's because he is making them up.
I thought so. And just because I don't share the same belief doesn't mean I have to reexamine the basis of my arguments. I fully stand by what I said. Cultural difference, morals, religion and upbringing play a major part in how you perceive these things and I believe this will be my last post on this topic since I see no reason to argue over something that has neither an answer or a solution but merely requires (or asks) an answer to the original question. An opinion if you will. To perceive anyone's OPINION as an insult or as "wrong" just because that's someone's belief is pretty immature and not worth the debate.
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Crystal_Abongta
连接： Oct 18, 2002
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Re: sex before marriage
December 8, 2005 - 02:19 AM
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Originally posted by luke
"but I don't believe in those statistics."
that's because he is making them up.
There are many of you in here with this shabby attitude and when I hit back on dirty comments like this, you go crying to your ‘parents’ about "intolerance’
I think it would be wise enough to ask me for the source of the statistics than deny their existence in such an insulting manner, That’s the minimum of acceptance you complain about all the times I think.
I guess you know I don't accept insults especially when I'm right and have the proves and again, you know my might at getting some of you jumpy with a few words, get ready for my next post or close the thread ahead of time for certainly, I’ll be back - I'm not the terminator anyway.
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LolaSkye
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Re: sex before marriage
December 8, 2005 - 06:36 AM
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Originally posted by Abongta
[QUOTE]Originally posted by luke
[B]"but I don't believe in those statistics."
that's because he is making them up.
There are many of you in here with this shabby attitude and when I hit back on dirty comments like this, you go crying to your ‘parents’ about "intolerance’
I think it would be wise enough to ask me for the source of the statistics than deny their existence in such an insulting manner, That’s the minimum of acceptance you complain about all the times I think.
I guess you know I don't accept insults especially when I'm right and have the proves and again, you know my might at getting some of you jumpy with a few words, get ready for my next post or close the thread ahead of time for certainly, I’ll be back - I'm not the terminator anyway.[/B][/QUOTE]
I wasn't necessarily questioning you knowing of the statistics or the fact that you read them. I'm questioning the source of the information. Either way, geography plays a big part in this, as does upbringing. If you're implying that it's unacceptable to have sex before marriage even if it means waiting till we're 35 - because clearly we have careers going on - then I say that is unacceptable to us. There's no right or wrong in this. I'm not right and I'm not wrong. Same goes for you. It's a personal choice and believe me if the relationship is meant to be then having sex before or after marriage is irrelevant. If the relationship is meant to fail and doom then no papers in this world will keep you together. You call my view "controversial". There's nothing controversial about it. It's sex and it shouldn't be a taboo topic. if you think that's controversial be glad you don't know my biography.
Once again, this is a matter of opinion - not fact. Accept it as that and don't take every damn thing personal because it isn't aimed at you. It's a matter of choice and personal opinion of ONE individual. And no such choice makes any such individual "dirty" (I'm trying not to use other words but you get the point)
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LolaSkye
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Re: sex before marriage
December 9, 2005 - 01:00 AM
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Originally posted by Abongta
Good enough I don't know really and wonder if I should.
Nah i don't think you could handle it. You see "controversy" from a wrong point of view it seems. While for you it may directly be related to dirty taboo things, for me it can just mean getting my ass off the sofa and being plain outspoken whether the mass likes it or not. Either way, it's about cultural differences once again.
gideonwafula, that was a great post. Thanks. When sex is misused in the form of prostitution or taken lightly - that's what I'm against. I don't need a piece of paper to tell me whether this guy makes me happy and brings "harmony" into my life. At least i don't need that piece of paper yet. So it really makes no difference 
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Crystal_Abongta
连接： Oct 18, 2002
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Re: sex before marriage
December 9, 2005 - 01:15 AM
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Originally posted by LolaSkye
[/B]
...if you think that's controversial be glad you don't know my biography.
[/B][/QUOTE]
Good enough I don't know really and wonder if I should. notwithstanding, that was better.
Gracias
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Terri Willard
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Re: sex before marriage
December 9, 2005 - 10:18 AM
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The nice thing about statistical claims is that it is possible to verify them. So far, I haven't found the source for Abongta's, but I did find the following at http://www.careerjournal.com/columnists/workfamily/20040423-workfamily.html :
"Also, living together before marriage has become so common that it no longer seems to be automatically linked to higher odds of divorce, as it once did. Jay Teachman of Western Washington University, Bellingham, found in a study published last year in the Journal of Marriage and the Family that living together or having sex before marriage isn't linked to higher divorce -- as long as it's with the partner you later marry. Sleeping around or living with more than one man, on the other hand, raises women's divorce risk sharply, compared with women who have never had sex or lived with a man before marriage. No comparable data are available on men."
The cultural context of actions matters as much as the actions themselves.
It's interesting to see that many studies which point to links between premarital co-habitation and divorce in the US are from the 1980s and early 90s (see sources listed on http://www.answerbag.com/a_view.php/31199 for example). I'd be intersted in seeing if the correlations are the same today... I suspect ehy have changed a lot as living together has become normalized and more people are doing it.
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