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Will
连接： Aug 23, 2003
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Waiting
August 26, 2003 - 06:20 AM
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I believe people should wait until marriage to have sex-any type of sex.
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Mikael
连接： Apr 12, 2002
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国家：Canada
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Re: Waiting
August 26, 2003 - 10:17 AM
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Originally posted by Willsaid2003
I believe people should wait until marriage to have sex-any type of sex.
Why?
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Mr. Frodo
连接： Aug 18, 2003
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Re: sex before marriage
August 26, 2003 - 12:03 PM
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In response to what Hannahbear said:
Although I certainly can't speak for everyone, it seems to me the kind of existence you advocate with the opposite sex would be unbearable. I don't see how someone could handle having a "closed but not locked door", as you said. If i felt that all my partner would have to do to get out of the relationship is turn a knob, I would never have any peace of mind. And everytime someone changes their mind and walks out the door, a small part of your heart goes with them, especially if the relationship has been sexual. After someone has endured the inevitable door opening so many times and given up a portion of their heart to each patron of the room, how can they then be expected to truly love the next person to come in the room, even if that person is "the one". I think that a binding commitment between a man and a woman is an important part of any relationship that hopes to last. I also believe that marriage is a necessary component of any society based on the family. Although I am the product of a "successful" divorce, I think I am certainly the exception and not the rule. Not picking on you, by any strectch of the imagination, just a few thoughts on the subject. Thanks and have a nice day!
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Will
连接： Aug 23, 2003
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Re: sex before marriage
August 27, 2003 - 07:19 AM
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Outside of my religious beliefs, I think that it allows people to focus on friendhip, communication, respect, and love. Sex can cloud peoples judgments. Good sex can give people amnesia-it make them overlook the obvious signs of a bad relationship. Thats why I believe that people should wait.
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tim
连接： Jul 10, 2003
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mikael
August 28, 2003 - 11:47 AM
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mikael,
i must say that my feelings are deeply hurt, for you never responded to my last post... are we no longer talking???okay, ignore the sense of humor (or the attempt of having one), seriously, i was curious as always to hear what you think about what i said in my last reply. just as an encouragement for you to respond i guess, i would like to hear what you think about the analogy i wrote. any disagreements? are there any flaws? does it give you a new perspective or is it apples and oranges?
whatever your opinion, i just hope that i made you (and other viewers) think, just as you have made me think with all of your posts.
thanks
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Mikael
连接： Apr 12, 2002
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国家：Canada
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Re: sex before marriage
August 29, 2003 - 01:27 AM
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Originally posted by Willsaid2003
Outside of my religious beliefs, I think that it allows people to focus on friendhip, communication, respect, and love. Sex can cloud peoples judgments. Good sex can give people amnesia-it make them overlook the obvious signs of a bad relationship. Thats why I believe that people should wait.
Interesting point! I can see how sex can be something that can cloud people's judgements, because I've seen it happen... it's not always going to play a 'clouding' kind of role though. In the case where sex is involved in a relationship, the two individuals have to be able to step back and look at the relationship as a whole rather than focus on one aspect of it. I still don't think that sex should be completely avoided before marriage, because although it can distract from problems in relationships, it still plays a role in the bond between two people, and can enhance the relationship and the connection by the shared intimacy.
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Mikael
连接： Apr 12, 2002
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国家：Canada
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Re: sex before marriage
August 29, 2003 - 01:37 AM
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Don't worry Tim, I haven't completely given up on this thread! 
Originally posted by Ubono2carpediem
forget the marriage thing, okay, because i'm tired of trying to determine the sacredness of marriage itself. all i'm saying is that your sex life should be saved for the one whom you desire to give your heart and soul to, and that is a very tough decision i think, but i'm not going to go about deciding who it is by totally fulfilling each girl i become romantically close to. i only want to totally fulfill one person. i just think that this is true love.
Since sexual intimacy is an integral part of a loving relationship, how can you know if you are totally fulfilled by a person if you don't have some sexual connection beforehand? I see what you're saying, but it seems to me that it's like a 'chicken and egg' argument; as in, I'm fulfilled then I have sex but does that mean that sex doesn't play a role in the fulfillment?
let's say one writes a love poem to someone they love. it is full of deep emotions and is overflowing with passionate love. it makes the recipient feel fulfilled and satisfied. also, it makes the writer fulfilled and satisfied to know that their gift was accepted with total joy... blah blah blah. the point is, it wouldn't be right for that poem to be given to another person besides the person whom it was originally wtitten to. if the poem is given to multiple persons, it no longer holds the significane, sacredness, and specialness that it once did since it has been used on more than one person.
How can you know that the person you're sending the poem to is the person you'll be spending the rest of your life with? These days it's rarer to here about stories where people find their life partner at a young age... so perhaps it's not the best plan of action to keep waiting forever. What if you think that one person is your life partner and it turns out they're not, how could you second-guess yourself and your intentions by not having sex or sexual intimacy with them?
that the writer spent so much time in discerning and determining who the special one was going to be, and he never gave the poem to anyone else, and when he finally did discover the one he would decide to love forever he was able to share this gift straight from his heart as special as he had originally intended . that is sacred love.
That's the crux of the issue though - how do you know for sure that you'll be spending the rest of your life with a specific person? You have to invest yourself into relationships if you really care about the other person, and if you decide that sexual intimacy is not important before marriage, you're negating an important aspect of being close... I think your analogy would make sense if you knew ahead of time who you were going to wind up marrying and staying with for the rest of your life. Since you can't know for sure, though, waiting doesn't seem to be the best idea, especially if there's someone that you care about and want to share your life with even if it's not forever.
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Hussein Macarambon
连接： Aug 11, 2003
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Re: sex before marriage
August 29, 2003 - 02:08 AM
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just a short comment.
I am an advocate of pre-marital sex but somehow Willsaid2003 has a valid point that sex could "cloud" a relationship. This may not have anything to do with the practice of 'sex' but the history behind it. Sounds deep even for me.
Well, I say SEX before marriage is OK, but Im not really sure how to handle a marriage with a woman who had sexual freedom before the marriage. I dont know, maybe Im selfish but Im sure this happens to a lot of couples. When a man or a woman eventually knows that his/her partner was formerly promiscous, then a tension occurs which could unfortunately lead to a breakup(divorce, separation etc.). And if a person hides a past sexual experience(s) from his/her husband or wife, then the guilt could engulf whatever special thing that the couple has.
Im not an expert in this, but maybe 'sex' isnt just the three-letter word that many people think unbounded. For every action there is a reaction. One should weigh the importance of sex before, during or after marriage because a terrible backlash happens to any carelessness regarding this subject.
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Ankhenna
连接： Sep 17, 2003
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Re: sex before marriage
September 17, 2003 - 04:45 AM
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My 2 cents:
I think if a couple has reached the point in a relationship where the desire to commit to one another in marriage is upon them, it makes no difference whether they have had sex. I think the key word here is commitment. Sex is a physical act that becomes spritiual when two people are in love.
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Mikael
连接： Apr 12, 2002
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性别和年龄： 男性, 27
国家：Canada
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Re: sex before marriage
September 18, 2003 - 11:53 AM
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Thank you! You summed it up perfectly
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jesse adams
连接： Dec 16, 2003
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Re: sex before marriage
December 19, 2003 - 09:53 AM
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I have just read this discussion and while I tihk its great that people are discussing these issues I think that the original issues presented by Luke could do with reconsidering.
Sex is an important issue between two people however there is a great deal of missinformation and mystique built up and propogated about it. While I do not advocate everyone behaving with complete hedonism the pursuit and enjoyment of sex can be done (drumroll please) outside of long term relationships. Yes people sex for the sake of sex does happen and not only that is enjoyable and not a case of prolonged suicide. There are issues with sexual encounters such as STD's however these can be controlled by, as someone mentioned earlier, precautions and EDUCATION. The big problems are pregnancy, again precautions and EDUCATION. Saving sex for marriage is a wonderful gift for the person you are with, it should however be something you both agree upon. The concept of virgin marriage was always a little one sided, it was generally considered okay for the guy to have had limited experience (though obviously not with nice girls!!), the woman was expected to be pure and chaste. This image has more to do with male ego than anything else. Public pressure to have sex has never been greater, we are the public, we determine the pressure. Our grandparents may have been married at 22 with no experience but it was a different world. You cannot compare modern society, marriage or sex to that of your grandparents.
Ultimately the choice is down to the individual however picking someone to have sex with for your whole life in a monogomous relationship is a big issue. You would not make a deccision in any other area of life in that manner. Sexual compatability is something that should not be taken litely nor should it be considered as a secondary issue to love, sex is an important support in marriage. modern marriages come under constant attack from a variety of sources - you dont need another problme.
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Crystal_Abongta
连接： Oct 18, 2002
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We go again
December 19, 2003 - 10:13 AM
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Sex should be kept for marriage period. I have said this over and over.
Anyway, I have no further comments otherwise I get the illicit sex addicts mad at me as for always.
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jesse adams
连接： Dec 16, 2003
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Re: sex before marriage
December 19, 2003 - 10:56 AM
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Your intolerance to other peoples opinions is astounding. The discussion was views on sex prior to marriage. You d ont wish to go that way and that is your choice. however because people disagree with you denegrating there opinions is not justified. you have a rather extremist view of this matter and are unwilling to consider other opinions, perhaps you should not read others thoughts if you are unwilling to argue them objectively.
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Cicero
连接： Feb 1, 2004
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Re: sex before marriage
February 9, 2004 - 06:07 AM
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Do whatever you want, but do some duties for society in order that you sustain it sucesfull.
Others which think they can judge others obviously are not having enough work to do. They sohlud be given more work.
As long you have time to judge others you have strenght to work.
Ave Futuria
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Arslan Jumaniyazov
连接： May 13, 2004
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性别和年龄： 男性, 29
国家：Turkmenistan
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Resonse to Shavkat's comments
June 12, 2004 - 09:09 AM
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I fully understand what you are saying since I also come from Central Asian traditional family, and this is very important in answering the question of pre-marital sex. I mostly agreed with you, but I didn't get one thing. You said that you agreed and disagreed, but supported just one argument.
In general, I understand you and agree with you.
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