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Water Spirit
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Raw Poetry
October 17, 2008 - 11:59 AM
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You can post your own raw emotional poetry here. If you are going to crititise someone elses poetry, please make it constructive critsism.
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Water Spirit
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Re: Raw Poetry
October 17, 2008 - 12:00 PM
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I Am the Student
I am the student
I am the learned deceived
The dreamer not permitted to achieve
I am the disciplined kept on a leash
The one biting my tongue not licensed to speak
I am the oppressed, the tyrannized, the victimized-wishing to be free
I wish behind gates where I’ve been penalized
My age is the crime for which I’ve been institutionalized
I am the pupil
The follower, the listener
The prisoner, analyzed, corrected, improved, then approved
The taught with a thousand censored thoughts
I am the listless puppet whose limbs move wherever they aught
I am the child, the adolescent, the youth
The pet taught to be passive
If I do not heed I will face rebuke
I see the way I am supposed to see
And speak the way I am supposed to speak
I assume my position and am where I am required to be
I must be discrete not to displease
I am the slave told I am free
This post was edited on: 2008-10-17 at 12:00 PM by: Waterspirte
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Water Spirit
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Re: Raw Poetry
October 24, 2008 - 11:54 AM
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would someone comment please?
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Water Spirit
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Re: Raw Poetry
October 27, 2008 - 01:51 PM
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Will someone post a comment please?
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Tamunobarabi
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Re: Raw Poetry
October 30, 2008 - 10:27 AM
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The poem is a narrative that captures phases of a worried heart.Just to commend the effort.More critical observation would be made later.
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Water Spirit
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Re: Raw Poetry
November 3, 2008 - 10:48 AM
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Yay! A comment! I would love some more!
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Water Spirit
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Re: Raw Poetry
November 10, 2008 - 08:45 AM
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post please!
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Raine
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Re: Raw Poetry
November 10, 2008 - 08:42 PM
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drowning in the sands of time
the end of reason
the end to rhyme
broken bodies lace the pine
we're drowning in the sands of time
stumbling through the waters deep
to find no rest
to find no sleep
mothers cry and children weep
just stumbling through the waters deep
staring at the setting sun
the eyes go blind
the mind goes numb
best not linger on the run
still staring at the setting sun
* (it's not about my life, it just came to me.)
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Water Spirit
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Re: Raw Poetry
November 12, 2008 - 02:23 PM
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Whee! That was great, Raine! Good flow, great rhythm!
This post was edited on: 2008-11-12 at 02:23 PM by: Waterspirte
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Water Spirit
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Re: Raw Poetry
November 17, 2008 - 11:12 AM
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Society's Frankenstein
I see society's Frankenstein
That terrible by-product of an emptied mind
Assembled by the mad elite for the good of humankind.
I see those lifeless legions they formed
From many living corpses that unwillingly conformed
To their new shape and social norm.
I see these by-products of human figures
Lingering in statistics that determine what to be
While chained to a twisted morality
Which tells them it is treason to be free.
I watch these puppets, psychological fragments of human life
Dance flawlessly to the tune on their master's pipe.
As the next cast in civilization's never ending play
They are properly placed in society's array.
I see the scientific phenomenon,
The processed, lifeless, inhuman man, free of individuality, eager to please,
A walking corpse that has been released,
Into the hordes of other life-less, cold-blooded beasts.
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Roxane Tracey
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Re: Raw Poetry
November 18, 2008 - 12:32 PM
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This is truly raw poetry at its best. In your face and unapologetic. This imagery captures the state of being of the masses....
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Water Spirit
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Re: Raw Poetry
December 8, 2008 - 12:08 PM
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Whee! I love it when people post their poetry here! Comments are welcome also.
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NESTA
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Re: Raw Poetry
December 8, 2008 - 01:37 PM
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Can I?
I don't know how it happens or why it happens but these things just come to me, at the weirdest of times. I was in a meeting when these words just came to mind, i guess the fact that i was thinking about this gurl didnt help either, cant get her outta my head, no matter how hard i try too...
Can I have a talk with you
or even walk with you?
Got thoughts that I need to share,
and it's the perfect time with you right here.
No friends, definitely no cell phones
so our minds, collectively, are free to roam.
Can I seat next to you?
for the next hour or two,
don't be shy, act naturally
look me in the eyes; take me seriously.
When i see you i transform into this nervous but happy little boy
who has just unwrapped his birthday gift to find his favourite toy.
Can I look at you? i mean really look at you
into your mind, body and soul
don't get me wrong,
my feelings aren't infatuation.
I'm just love sprung
I can't say I fully know what love means,
but you possess the power to fulfill my love dreams.
So now can I hold your hand?
Oh woman, can i be your man?
for I'm thru with petty games
when I'm done we'll both have love names.
You can call me boo and I'll call you baby
or better yet, I'll call you my lady.
Nest@
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sleemfesh
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Re: Raw Poetry
December 12, 2008 - 06:12 AM
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My Goodness!
This flow is simply good and magnificent. It was in the most part natural and easy flowing, I mean the rhyme scheme.
Keep flowing bro
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sleemfesh
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Re: Raw Poetry
December 12, 2008 - 06:20 AM
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I'd never done it before
Though i thought it was going to be fun
did i just say 'thought'
I knew for sure
Yet i heard after it there was some thorn
They told me it was a guilty thought
But it couldn't stop the sport in me
Until the day i went in
Gosh! there was nothing held back
It was so smooth and moist
In and and out I thrusted
'twas slimy and moved oh so smoothly
I never though i'd misunderstand 'chemistry'
Until when i went into her
Like I'd been told i was scared later
Yet the though of the chemistry stuck
All reminiscence of it left me awestruck
Never though I could be this excited
Oh! that perfect bonding
Oh! that smooth frictionless movement
No event has yet to be up to it
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