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Luke Lieberman
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The opposite sex
July 12, 2003 - 04:19 AM
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Its high time we talked about this all important issue.
There is nothing more mysterious than the opposite sex. I have lived with three different girlfriends for months or even years and the more I'm with them the less I seem to understand.
Woman remain a total mystery.
They seem to be all about fedelity andcommunication in a relationship and but at times they simply shut down communication entirely - and to quote some girls I met on July 4rth "screw our boyfriends, were out to have fun"
Anyway I just wanted to open up the debate - obviously this is a forum for women to discuss men as well.
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asdf
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Re: The opposite sex
July 12, 2003 - 09:23 AM
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lol. Nice forum. I sure have my 2 cents I could add. I'll wait 'till this takes off though. I'm sure it will. I just don't know what to write right now.
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sopiemay
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Re: The opposite sex
July 12, 2003 - 09:57 AM
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hee hee  this should be fun
i'm not sure what to say either, though... Where to begin??!
well. i suppose i'm young and inexperienced  , but men are definitely quite a mystery to me. why are they so obsessed with playing games and putting on acts to attract women? and how much do they really care about appearance? and of course - do guys ACTUALLY go "cruising for chicks"?!
on the other hand, sometimes i think that men and women aren't as different as people make them out to be. i mean, at some point both men and women just want a stable, long-term relationship (well, MOST men and women - there are exceptions in both sexes ). and i think that both actually care about "communication" and all that stuff in a relationship - even if guys pretend not to think and worry about it
or maybe i'm wrong? who the hell knows. like i said, it's all a mystery...
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Me
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Overload...
July 13, 2003 - 01:44 AM
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Count 'em. There are seven. Yes, SEVEN smilies in the post above. (As Sophie's friend, I claim the right to pick on her). But I'm exhausted, so I'll come back to this later.
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Luke Lieberman
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Re: The opposite sex
July 13, 2003 - 02:25 AM
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Well I wouldn't suggest burping on a guy you are trying to attract - guys definately like a girl to be femanine, but that doesn't necissarily mean that the girl needs to be wilting, helpless and frightened all the time. You can be strong and femanine at the same time - but ,to give you an example - my first girlfriend used to press flowers and hide them in my books - I remember finding one in a copy of Romeo & Juliet when I was reading it in class. I found that very touching.
See pressing flowers is not something I would ever think to do.
Playing hard to get is not a good idea, because the guy might just thinkits more trouble then its worth and you are toying with him. At the same time, if you make it too easy the guy is not going to respect you. If the hunt is over too quickly they will just move on to the next one.
Even as I write this I am thinking that none of my girlfriends made it very difficult for me to catch them -in fact they were all scheming ways to draw me in and in each case I was going out with them a week after I had met them.
I stayed committed to each of them for a long time inspite of the easy catch - but I think I'm a bit unusual in that regard.
Although none of them were 'easy' girls sexually speaking - just easy for me - two of them were virgins.
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Hannah Pappenheim
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Re: The opposite sex
July 13, 2003 - 02:41 AM
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It seems ironic to me that the more we talk about this, the more questions arise. It is as luke said in the beginning "the more he is with them(women), the less he understands". Maybe the mysteriousness is what makes it fun...afterall, the point of falling in love with someone is that they are an individual, and you wouldn't want anyone else. So, it actually makes since that we keep getting confused. We are trying to understand individuals by figuring out a group (men/women). But whatever, this discussion is still endlessly entertaining, and maybe just by discussing our mysterious counterparts, we can start to make some sense out of the whole ordeal.
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Me
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Re: The opposite sex
July 13, 2003 - 03:02 AM
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I seem to be the minority opinion here, but I think that trying to find out something that one group of 3 billion people has in common but does not share with another group of 3 billion people is fundamentally impossible. Yes, there are certain things that are perceived as more "masculine" or "feminine". But there are feminine men and masculine women...there are always, always exceptions, and with this many people, there are bound to be rather a lot. People are just people.... so you can categorize people all you want, but until you get down to really detailed subcategories, it's hard to come up with "rules", which in my opinion, is why so many books that promise the answer to this age-old debate disagree. I suppose it supports a lot of publishing, though.
Think about it this way- gay people have just as many relationship problems as straight people, even though they're not dealing with the opposite sex. So maybe it's just that people in general have trouble meshing perfectly with other people.
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Luke Lieberman
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Re: The opposite sex
July 13, 2003 - 04:24 AM
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well actually I'm going to disagree with you here E.E.
Gay people have problems that arise from frictions that all relationships have in common - but there are certainly a good deal of problems/confusion that arises from dealing with a sex that is different - and men and women are different, hormonally, physically, mentally, even environmentally they have been raised with different values.
But the most essentail difference is instinctual, its genetic, many differences have evolved because each sex has a totally different, complimentary role to play in the renewal of the humen race.
Male lions are very different from female loins - they are all big cats - but there is a clear difference - this goes all the way through the animal kingdom.
Of course I'm speaking in generallities - which we are going to have to do, but I think themes exist, differences can be descerned.
For example I thinkmen are more concerned with what the see, literally I think it is more of a priority for them that their girl is beautiful.
Men, I think are more territorial than women - that is why they are more prone to jealousy.
To see what I mean ladies - try telling your boyfriends out past sexual experiences with other men - see how they react.
Women can definately handle this better then men - guys just start seeing red. Actually I know alot of girls who want a guy with some experience - guys on the other hand want untouched virgins - think about how this has extended and been transformed into oppressive religious doctrine throughout the world.
Societies expectations I think stem from this area - my parents were practically cheerleading my sexual conquests - my sister on the other hand...
anyway more later...
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Me
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Re: The opposite sex
July 13, 2003 - 04:38 AM
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lol. You can disagree with me all you want. But I'm going to keep defending my minority opinion, unless someone manages to convert me.
A lot of the differences you claim are programmed into children, in my opinion. Girls are given barbies, boys guns. (Check out the song "When I was a boy" by Dar Williams"- it kind of musically summarizes what I believe). Men are taught that crying is a sign of weakness. They are also taught to go after beautiful women, and virginity has been perceived as importan in women for millenia. Although this is beginning to change, at least in the west. And (some) guys are starting to beautify themselves; witness the rise of "metrosexuals".
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Luke Lieberman
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Re: The opposite sex
July 13, 2003 - 05:15 AM
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E.E. read my comments again - I said that environmental factors are among the most important - but if you think the the only difference between guys and girls is what they teach us in grade school.. come on.
We only have one cromosome in commen - the other
one is totally different.
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Me
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Re: The opposite sex
July 13, 2003 - 05:22 AM
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You can find probably find a lot more in common between a single male and female couple than between 3 billion people though, right?
Sure, there are trends (many of which I still believe to be culturally-based- let's see how many differences are left in a hundred years). But they don't define who an individual is.
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sopiemay
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Re: The opposite sex
July 13, 2003 - 05:22 AM
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well, whatever the cause, the fact is that guys and girls are different. whether we were born with it or it was drilled into us when we were young.
women can definitely get jealous though. not just guys
umm... not much else to say at this point, and "hannahbear" is bothering me to get off, so... i will write more later
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Luke Lieberman
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Re: The opposite sex
July 13, 2003 - 06:03 AM
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I'm glad the thread is being discovered.
Guys put thought into their appearance - they are just not as cordinated at it.as girls.
Guys put on acts because they think its what women want - but really the act is a cover for how uncomfortable they are feeling, some guys have alot of trouble talking to girls, and when their confidence is down they find it more difficult to be themselves.
When your "game" is on, and your confidence is up you can attract - this is why alot of guys get more attention from girls when they already have a girlfriend.
Tonight I met a 28 year old psychologist at an art premeire. - I could feel my confidence was up and I felt pretty comfortable just talking - maybe I'll see her later, maybe I won't . The LA single scene is a mixed bag.
Also being single is very new to me - I had girlfriends steadily from softmore year high school through college - a series of committed long term relationships.
I have deprioritized love temporarily so that I can get my career off the ground - but now my career is lifting off, I'm making good coin and every month I'm making more - so my confidence if up.
Just a little peak into the head of a guy.
By the way - women play alot of games. The last girlfriend I had played alot of head games with me - and she was very bright. She had alot to do with convincing me that I don't need a girlfriend right now.
enough for now.
Oh yeah, and guys definately do cruise for chicks - and girl cruise for guys to - go to a mall sometime.
peace
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Lewis Best
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Re: Overload...
July 13, 2003 - 06:18 AM
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Originally posted by erratic-enigma
Count 'em. There are seven. Yes, SEVEN smilies in the post above. (As Sophie's friend, I claim the right to pick on her). But I'm exhausted, so I'll come back to this later.
Hehe, there's only 5!! hehe, the others r the ones.
Neway, the opposite sex is mysterious. Perhaps Uni's should intriduce a course called "Understanding the Opposite Sex." Hehe, a PhD in Opposite gender would be cool
lol
Peace
Besty
PS I'm just making teh point that we can never be the same
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Luke Lieberman
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Re: The opposite sex
July 13, 2003 - 06:49 AM
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There will still be those same differences in hundred years! and in a thousand - these universal differences which have existed since the bigginning of time and run throughout the animal kingdom have more to do with estrogen and testosterone than cultural factors - ecolution have bred different traits into the sexes over thousands of years - I think you are looking at this backwards -
- society does not create the human race - the human race creates society. Many (not all) of the social conceptions ect. are no more than a recognition and codification of pre-existing disposition. The differences are many times the cause of the social conceptions, not the result.
of course people are individuals, and I'm not saying you can't have anything in common with a member of the opposite sex - you can have very much in common - but no matter how in synch you may get with your mate the fact remains that you two are opposite sides of the same coin.
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