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CHIDIEBERE
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Would you opt for an arranged marriage and why?
January 13, 2008 - 09:38 AM
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Divorce in most Western countries has reached a staggering 60% in recent times. In the light of this, would you opt for arranged marriage and why?
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Chika
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Re: Would you opt for an arranged marriage and why?
January 15, 2008 - 10:21 AM
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arranged marriages definitely has it's advantages. most westerners are ideologically opposed to arranged marriage because they believe that such arrangements TAKE AWAY from the individuality of the couple.
on the contrary, arranged marriages actually ADD to the integrity of the couple. arranged marriages are about establishing support systems.
the families marry each other. it's not about 2 people get married. it's about 2 families in an eternal commitment. this is a beautiful idea.
in the west, married couples are ALL by themselves. they have normal marital conflicts, they raise children, they make decisions ALL BY THEMSELVES. this is why they get divorced. they are too stressed! they do not have the backing, wisdom, and support of the extended
family.
as for me, i wouldn't want my parents to choose my husband entirely, but their opinion weighs heavily and i would never marry someone who they don't approve of. this is called wisdom. westerners often neglect wisdom and opt for so-called individuality which is really just plain old selfishness.
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CHIDIEBERE
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Re: Would you opt for an arranged marriage and why?
January 16, 2008 - 05:50 AM
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Africhika,you are quite correct in your observation that western marriages perpetuate individualism and isolation, leading to lack of social support in times of marital difficulties. There are certainly merits in getting both families involved. However, exclusively empowering families to make this judgement call on ones behalf could be catastrophic!
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Anu maheshwari
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Re: Would you opt for an arranged marriage and why?
January 16, 2008 - 12:25 PM
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Well , love marriages can be arranged and need not divorced from parental participation....
i.e One finds the person one wants to marry and then take the matter to the family , get their approval and then go ahead....
Frankly I would never take a big step like this without my family's consent... but then I have a broad-minded family which trusts me and always supports me come what may...
But I have seen many of my friends struggling with families which are quite narrow-minded in their approach ....families which do not approve of inter - caste marriages or marriages outside religion ( baseless objections) ..
Many of them are waiting patiently for their parents to change their minds and many are planning to go ahead with their marriage plans without the support of the family....
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booker
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Re: Would you opt for an arranged marriage and why?
January 17, 2008 - 06:47 AM
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Either you guyz eint being real or we have diffrent definitions of the term Arranged Marriage. From my understanding, its Someone else deciding whom I should marry and there is NO courtship process. This completely defies the purpose of marriage.The no.1 purpose of marriage is companionship.When I need a companion to share my life with,I make friends with someone am attracted to (so I must meet them often).This friendship then grows into a courtship, which ends up in a marriage.How do I skip friendship and courtship then jump into marriage? Are you guyz for real? Where I come from "arranged marriages" are also commonly called Forced Marriages. One player arranged the marriage for what he/she can get out of it.
And how do you spend the rest of your life with someone you dont know in the first place.Anuriandima84, in my opinion religious differences are important coz for me, the Bible determines my standards for doing everything,even business-how will I share my life with someone of different principles? These are the things to find out during friendship & courtship.
Am TOTALLY AGAINST anything that takes away my God-given right to decide. Its like living in a country where a leader has Forced himself into power - "an arranged presidency".In such a marriage, force will be used to resolve conflict instead of dialogue - the marriage is a dictatorship and not a democracy .What begins by use of force, must be "sustained" by the same.RUN AWAY FROM ARRANGED MARRIAGES!!!
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CHIDIEBERE
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Re: Would you opt for an arranged marriage and why?
January 17, 2008 - 08:18 AM
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Booka, I want to say that arranged marriage has its merits as well as disadvantages. It is not for everybody and doesn't work in all cultures. In India for Instance, lawyers, doctors, engineers, politicians, movie stars, etc marry by some form of arrangement, and this cultural sensibility has evolved over centuries and works in a society which, though has the second largest human population, has less than 15% divorce rate as opposed to 50-60% in the west. I can see your point that arranged marriage has the potential to undermine self determination. However, we have to put this discussion in a socio-cultural context to understand why arrange marriages have sustainably remained viable in certain egalitarian cultures where the good of many takes precedent over that of one.
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Anu maheshwari
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Re: Would you opt for an arranged marriage and why?
January 17, 2008 - 01:28 PM
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Ahh I am sorry for the confusion....I was merely replying to the point previously made regarding love marriages being totally divorced from parental support... I think that need not be the case always ... love marriages can also happen with parental support.
In India , we have a term "love-arranged marriage" for such marriages 
Though personally I dont look forward to any kind of strict arranged marriage ...
I do have some beautiful examples of successful arranged marriages in front of me....For one, my own parents ...Their marriage was fixed by their families... They got engaged and then married a year later which gave them enough time to get to know each other ......Both of them were well educated , had good jobs , modern in their outlook and it seems they were just made for each other...
And there are many more such examples of successful arranged marriages here in India. For one, contrary to the popular stereotype...it doesnt have to be forced upon the couple.... The couple can meet , get to know each other and then decide whether they want to go ahead with their parents selection or not....
I see many guys coming back to the tradition of arranged marriages after a long and futile search for finding the 'right' women
Yes i do have serious reservations for the kind of arranged marriages practiced in some corners of the world where the bride and the groom doesnt get to see each other's face until the wedding night !
I believe every individual should have a say in the matter of his/her own marriage ...
This post was edited on: 2008-01-17 at 01:30 PM by: Anu maheshwari
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Anu maheshwari
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Re: Would you opt for an arranged marriage and why?
January 17, 2008 - 01:35 PM
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Booker wrote lace.
Anuriandima84, in my opinion religious differences are important coz for me, the Bible determines my standards for doing everything,even business-how will I share my life with someone of different principles? These are the things to find out during friendship & courtship.
You are entitled to your beliefs and I respect them.
But for two people who want to marry each other inspite of their religious differences ...the objection from the respective families is then a baseless objection ....
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booker
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Re: Would you opt for an arranged marriage and why?
January 18, 2008 - 03:01 AM
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Hi guyz.Hope ya'll doing good. I think now we are on the same page - I understand this is a modern version arranged marriage. I'll just comment on this;
In India for Instance, lawyers, doctors, engineers, politicians, movie stars, etc marry by some form of arrangement, and this cultural sensibility has evolved over centuries and works in a society which, though has the second largest human population, has less than 15% divorce rate as opposed to 50-60% in the west.
I dont have the facts, but I thinks religious values in India and the west have alot to do with those figures.Indians have a value system derived from their religion and it impacts everything they do.Here in Kenya they are among the wealthiest simply because they're very united & they finance one another in any Start-up business venture; and when it comes to donations to humanitarian crisis, they are at the top.All these are values from their religion.
Value systems are usually derived from religion.The Hindu defines her/his lifestyle from the Vedas scriptures. The Muslim defines her/his from the Qua ran.The Christian, from the Bible. In all these books, standards for marriage are defined.Asians and Indians are amoung the most commited religious people.
On the contrary (no offense meant) westerners seem not to care less about involving religion in their lifestyle.They are hands off, not radical about any particular religion.Its therefore safe to assume they don't embrace any particular value system in their marriage. Do Atheists (now 25% in the west) have a sacred book which they are accountable to? (No offense meant to TIG Atheists)
I think its logical to conclude that most Indian marriages succeed because those involved live out their religious values in their marriage and lifestyle.And most in the west don't succeed coz they dont embrace any values. So its not the type of marriage that brings the success, but the commitment of individuals involved to a mutual value system.
food for thought - Where did the saying "I don't commit" come from?
This post was edited on: 2008-01-18 at 03:44 AM by: booker
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Anu maheshwari
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Re: Would you opt for an arranged marriage and why?
January 18, 2008 - 01:02 PM
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Booker wrote:<
.Indians have a value system derived from their religion and it impacts everything they do.
The Hindu defines her/his lifestyle from the Vedas scriptures. The Muslim defines her/his from the Qua ran.The Christian, from the Bible. In all these books, standards for marriage are defined.Asians and Indians are amoung the most commited religious people.
I think its logical to conclude that most Indian marriages succeed because those involved live out their religious values in their marriage and lifestyle.And most in the west don't succeed coz they dont embrace any values. So its not the type of marriage that brings the success, but the commitment of individuals involved to a mutual value system.
This post was edited on: 2008-01-18 at 03:44 AM by: booker
hmmm I always believed that Indians generally are the least religious of all ....
I mean there is no possible way to group 1 billion indians into one category....But on the whole we are and never were extreme about anything. Certain groups and political parties do try to fan such things...
Marriages survive here not because of religion but as part of the cultural set up... its a mind set...Its just the way we are.... but it keeps evolving... its not stagnant....
And coming to the technical part... Indian Laws is pretty strict against divorces... It is very difficult to get a divorce in India... And they generally favour women.
And i would like to cite here yesterday's article on the status of live-in-relationships in India...
SC: Long live-in relation same as valid marriage
The Supreme Court has held that if a man and a woman live together and co-habit for a long spell as husband and wife, there is a presumption of a valid marriage between the two.
A bench, headed by Justice Arijit Pasayat, said that children born out of such a relationship will be legitimate. “Law leans in favour of legitimacy and frowns upon bastardy,” it said.
Upholding the property rights of a woman, who was born to a live-in couple, the court added that although the presumption of marriage is rebuttable, heavy burden lies on the person who seeks to challenge the relationship of legal origin to prove that no marriage took place. Under such circumstances the court cannot ignore the evidence presented before it to weaken the presumption.
.................
..
And yes Hinduism is not a religion. It is wrongly classified as a religion.
This post was edited on: 2008-01-18 at 01:05 PM by: Anu maheshwari
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CHIDIEBERE
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Re: Would you opt for an arranged marriage and why?
January 19, 2008 - 01:51 AM
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In my view most marriages survive because the socio-cultural context in which those marriages were entered into support its sustainability. The west for instance, in recent times, has become increasingly liberal with the emergence of civil liberties, womens rights, right to self determination, etc, promulgated laws that essentially encourage and enhance divorce. You simply have to convince the judge with little or no evidence that there is irreconcillable difference in your marriage and you are granted divorce as quickly as your case can be called in court, even without the other party being available. For instance, in the state of Georgia and in most US states, you just have to post a brief notice in the local paper, and without response from your spouse, you could be granted divorce in court quite easily. In most other countries like India, it is difficult to be granted divorce, and with support of relatives and friends, greater effort is likely to be put in mending the problems in the relationship. In most cultures where divorce is rampant, the legal institutions are quite often liberal while in countries with conservative legal institutions, it is increasingly difficult to be granted divorce, especially for trevial reasons. Marriage is a full time job and most individuals fail sucessively in marriages because people have not given the institution of marriage the primacy it deserves.
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rohit saroj
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Re: Would you opt for an arranged marriage and why?
January 19, 2008 - 03:27 AM
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hello everyone,
my opinion about the issue under discussion may smell anarchist but the fact of the matter is that marriages have ntothing to do with rites, rituals and customs in the realm of nature...it is about a willingness about two individuals to come together and comit for companionship and stay in it till one desires to!! no, i am not advocating individualistic lifestyle..nor am i anti establishment...i am only attempting to deconstruct the internalisation of tradition, culture, ritual which have contained our lives and lifestyles in a framework that is conservative in its construction and prohibatary as a process!!
all choices (arranged, love or love cum arranged) are subject of individuals comfort in relation to the degree the willingness to challenge the notion of how the society should function....
it really is interesting to observe that the age old questions are revisited and people are open to confront such issues with no pretence.....
please continue to add more of your observations and opinions..it is really interesting an exercise!!!
regards,
rohit.
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