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BLACKDOG
Joined: Jul 22, 2006
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A FRIEND WITH HIV.
August 1, 2006 - 12:49 PM
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I HAVE DISCOVERED THAT A FRIEND OF MINE IS HIV + AND HAS KEPT IT FROM ME FOR THREE WEEKS NOW.
SHE DOES NOT KNOW THAT I KNOW ABOUT IT, BUT WHAT SHOULD I DO, DO I APPROACH HER OR SHOULD I WAIT UNTIL SHE COMES OUT OF THE CLOSET, BUT I DON'T SEE THAT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON. PLEASE ADVISE.
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e.sum
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Re: A FRIEND WITH HIV.
August 1, 2006 - 04:33 PM
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shequallo,
I'm very sorry to hear about your difficult situation... I'm not sure there is any set protocol around what the "right" thing is to do. Unfortunately, I couldn't find any online resources about this but I suppose you could try to imagine what the risks of confronting/not confronting her would be and base your decision on that. Everyone reacts differently to such news, so it's difficult to imagine what she must be feeling, but I would try to be considerate of those feelings.
Having said that, I think it might benefit to learn as much as you can about HIV so that if your friend ever confides in you, you will already know how to help her e.g. clinics she could go to, support groups in the area etc. Such places might also be able to help you and better advise you as well!
Links on how to help someone HIV+
When a Friend Has HIV/AIDS
from the Austrailian Federation of AIDS organizations
More general links about living w/HIV
CDC's Living w/HIV brochure
International Community of Women Living with HIV/AIDS
Food & Agriculture Organization's page about nutrition/care for HIV+ people
Anyways, I'm not terribly knowledgable about this, perhaps other members can post about their own advice/experiences...
This post was edited on: 2006-08-01 at 04:34 PM by: esum
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Chris Williams
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Re: A FRIEND WITH HIV.
August 2, 2006 - 11:13 AM
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Hi Shequallo,
Not an easy answer to your question. I am sure there must be organisations in South Africa that advise people living with or know people affected by HIV and AIDS. You could approach one of their Counsellors for free, confidential advice. I've just found: http://www.aidshelpline.org.za/
Call 0800 012 322 if you want to talk to someone about the support you can offer to your friend.
Perhaps the best approach is not to go ahead with "Hey, I know you've been hiding the fact you have HIV from me..." as this will immediately make your friend feel shameful and make things harder.
I am aware of the stigma that living with HIV brings on people in South Africa in particular so it is hard to talk to people about it. If your friend is talking to others about it, that's a good start because it's not easy. Maybe once she has come to terms with the disease herself, she will build up confidence and tell you about it.
In the meantime, if there is a good way of approaching the topic of sexually-transmitted diseases, perhaps you should put in suggestions showing that you understand people who have STDs or something - that is easier said than done though.
This post was edited on: 2006-08-02 at 11:15 AM by: chriswilliams
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Shweta
Joined: May 20, 2006
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Re: A FRIEND WITH HIV.
August 3, 2006 - 02:07 AM
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i agree with esum and chris. we have to be careful and sensitive. we also need to aware of various resources around so that we can help our friend.
whats also important is what kind of relationship that you share with your friend and hwo much time are you able to spend with her. maybe if you spend more time with her..she might feel more comfortable one day to share. she might need more time probably. bust as a friend we need to be aware of whats the impact of the information on her..about the fact that she has hiv +? if she seems low, preoccupied, if there is a change that you see in her mood, sleep and appetite then we need to be more careful and show our concern for what we observe.
there can be mnay other ways of approching the topic but not in the direct manner right now of course. it might be useful to be in touch with those good firnds of hers who also know..and with whom she has been able to share
regards
shweta
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Anita
Joined: Dec 20, 2005
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Re: A FRIEND WITH HIV.
August 3, 2006 - 04:19 AM
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Difficult sityation, but I will advice u to talk to her. Tell her that u've noticed that she've changed and something is bothering her. Help her to open up, if she will be comfortable to talk to u now, if she understand that she's ready - she will tell u, jus don't push her. Jus be patient and sincere, polite and caring... Love, care and understanding - that's what she needs now...
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sof-quettaf
Joined: Jul 22, 2006
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Re: A FRIEND WITH HIV.
August 3, 2006 - 12:47 PM
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I think you should be a good friend and just wait it out. When your friend is ready she'll come to you. When she does you just setback and listen
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mwiyeria munyeki
Joined: Aug 25, 2006
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Re: A FRIEND WITH HIV.
August 25, 2006 - 03:46 AM
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hey, i thinkit would be wise to wait for her to finally get the courage to tell you, just be there for her every step of the way.
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