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W. H. Deyamport, III, CFLE
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Attraction: Is it cultural, personal, or chemical?
October 26, 2005 - 10:36 AM
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Hello Everyone,
In the era of "Stuff," "Maxim," and many other beauty-oriented magazines, what influences our attraction to other people? Why do we find some people more attractive than others? What is it that drives us to pursue someone?
What is your take? Do you believe that it is cultural, personal, or chemical? Is there one unifying standard of beauty? Do men and women differ in what they are attracted to?
Tell me what you think.
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Mariya Kircheva
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Re: Attraction: Is it cultural, personal, or chemical?
December 27, 2005 - 07:54 AM
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It's interesting question what attracts people.I think it's chemical.First of all through the years we build subconsciously our 'model' of the type of person who we like. He may be beautiful/handsome or not; blond or dark;tall or short.He may be aggressive or calm;passionate and spontaneous оr profoundly thinking;talkative or timid etc.We search for certain qualities (again subconsciously) which we need to find in the other person, which will give us support,love or something we need and maybe we have never had.
And of course a little chemistry for magic and romance and everything is OK 
Oh, and of course the situation we meet the person.Because thus we see him/her in certain light which we like or not.
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crazydiamond
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Re: Attraction: Is it cultural, personal, or chemical?
January 4, 2006 - 05:33 AM
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i partly agree with delphia. but from my perspective i see it different. it mostly depends on person itself, that for sure, how that person creates his perfect partner in his/her mind. i think it reflects also in person's matureness and
some ppl see beauty and attractiveness only in looks and can be easily influenced and led by media, the kind of model that media itself shows as a beauty.
we could roughly put ppl in two groups: the ones which believe in outer beauty and the ones who also see inner beauty of the person. some won't believe it till they'll experience it themselves! i'm sure u all know there isn't all just about outer beauty, but also about outer! it's how u feel the person. one person can be really georgeous, but that may not give u all the happines u want. it's important that u get along with the person u're going out, that u 2 can talk to each other, no matter what, have similar interests ... sure it's nice the person u like and feel u love looks nice, but that's not all!
i don't look at ppl as: wow, she/he's georgeus! and blah, she/he's so ugly! i don't know how others see ppl, but i see every individual as sth special. everyone has sth unique (facial, body signs ....) i think nobody is so ugly that he/she could be impossible to love once what do u think?
plus, when 2 love each other they know. their relationship can develope from simple hi:P
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Mariya Kircheva
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Re: Attraction: Is it cultural, personal, or chemical?
January 4, 2006 - 09:26 AM
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Hi,
I agree with you about the 2 types.But it's also true that people make their first imression according to your outward appearance and put you in a certain category.It's proven that when people meet new face in the first few seconds they subconsciously try to put it in a type of person they already know-aggressive,kind,smart,pretty.Thus they feel more comfortable as though they already know what they have to deal with.Then they get to know aech other better and maybe the chemistry comes
Here comes also the question how do we understand love?As to me love is when you think about this person day and night and want to know everything about him;when just one glimpse makes you forget about your problems and smile;when you adore all his shortcomings that otherwise tease you;when you are ready to make compromise with your wishes just to make him happy
There is a very subtle difference between affection and love.And sometimes love disappears and is replaced by the habit to be with sb or the fear not to stay alone!
And love looks more at the inner beauty.And because it only deals with feelings real love has nothing to do with appearance.Yes,at first as I said the appearance is important but then you look at this person with other eyes
What do think about that-the relation between love and physical attraction?
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crazydiamond
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Re: Attraction: Is it cultural, personal, or chemical?
January 4, 2006 - 10:48 AM
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i think u almost nailed the problem! it's all true what u'd written! ppl look too much how u look like, as u said that ppl "make their first imression according to your outward appearance and put you in a certain category"! in one way, it's sad that ppl judge u by your appearance, but it's also true, that how u clothe inlects your behaviour! it can be really fun to observe ppl's appearances and then make ur own impressions of what type he/she is (if she/he's friendly, egoist etc.). i'm sure everyone of us has done that, at least once, right? but what saddens me is, that ppl who are too self-absorbed don't want to see ppl different from them in different light and make fun of others!!
love is a gr8 thing when it strokes u, but we really must differ love from attraction. it's nice to be attracted by someone but we need to know where limits are, so we don't mix them. u can love sb and at the same time like to watch attractive ppl, but u mustn't think that sb attracts u that u love him/her. i think that's why so many divorces happen. ppl get married because they r only attracted to that person or because they think they r in love with person who they r attracted to (sure there r also other reasons ...). i liked your explanation and don't have much to say to that. i think we could also say that then also chemistry is involved there. but i don't like the expresion, though. what do u think of love at the first sight?
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Mariya Kircheva
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Re: Attraction: Is it cultural, personal, or chemical?
January 6, 2006 - 06:26 AM
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Love at first sight? Hm,it's quite difficult to forecast whether it will be long-lasting or not!Maybe when you see somebody you know it's the one for you!But how can you know without talking to him,seeing his reactions and way of perceiving the 'outer world'.I'd rather say 'Affection at first sight'.Because I still think that love is sth. more than just one look.
I agree that clothes reveal the character, as well as the colours,gestures and body language (words can be soooo deceiving).But yet we cannot judge the person form the clothes we have seen him in because we don't know how he dresses regularly,sre these his favourite type of clothes,colours, etc.
So,I believe in having feelings about s.o at first sight but love comes with time.It's sth deeper.
What do you think about that?
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crazydiamond
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Re: Attraction: Is it cultural, personal, or chemical?
January 6, 2006 - 08:12 AM
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i agree with u! don't have much to say!
i hate the expressions ppl have made, because they genaralise everything!!
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mnopq
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Re: Attraction: Is it cultural, personal, or chemical?
January 12, 2006 - 07:01 AM
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hey girls!
well, i agree with a lot what was said by delphia and urssulasss, but i will try to give some "scientific" approach to all this.
I guess you all know Charles Darwin! And you know that he had his book about "On the origin of species by means of Natural Selection" published in 1859. Thats where he talked about, among other things, our ape ancestors.
Now, there is more to it.
Twelwe years later being after collecting certain facts and haveing done a great research he wrote yet another, the book that brought so much of controversy, that was paradoxal the years to come. He named his new book "The descent of man and Selection in relation to sex" or shortly called "On Sexual selection". It was where he showed that, among other things, choosing a partner depends a lot from the environment you grow in, meaning your family members and your close frieds and relatives. He argued that subcounciously we choose partners according to our "preprogrammed" values and beliefs of what is beautiful, intelligent,nice,ugly, etc which is a lot conditionned by our family members, our brothers, sisters, mother and father...
So read that book if you find or if not read a chapter which is called "Selection of Sex partners" or something simialar in a book of Jared Diamond, about which I mentionned I guess already some five times in TIG's discussion boards.
you can find there also arguments how blue-eyes havent much to do with being from North (which is a stereotypic thinking), or dark-skin color with living in sunny, equatorial areas, etc.
Cheers!
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W. H. Deyamport, III, CFLE
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Re: Attraction: Is it cultural, personal, or chemical?
January 26, 2006 - 08:41 AM
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Love and sexual or physical attraction is one and the same for men. Unfortunately, we do not rank certain qualities in the same order as women. For example, I have been told by several women that a man's personality can make him more attractive, but for men, it does not play out that way. Sure, we can appreciate the inner beauty of a woman. We can recognize the wonderful qualities of a woman, but those things take a back seat to how a woman looks and carries herself.
That is why older men tend to go after younger women and why magazines like "Playboy", "Maxim",and "FHM" are so popular among men.
Am I wrong?
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mnopq
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Re: Attraction: Is it cultural, personal, or chemical?
January 26, 2006 - 11:46 AM
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"...Beauty and utility cannot go together, as is shown in castles and men..."
- quoted by Leonardo da Vinci while he was looking at the famous horse statue in Pavia (and thinking of his forthcoming Sforca horse)
P.S. I do not totally disagree
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W. H. Deyamport, III, CFLE
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Re: Attraction: Is it cultural, personal, or chemical?
January 28, 2006 - 04:07 AM
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i truly believe that men put more of an emphasis on physical and sexual attraction than women do. for men, a beautiful woman is love. that is why men's feelings change for women when they no longer look the same. weight gain and or cutting off long hair and the diappearance of sexy lingerie is a love kill. i am not saying that is right. it is what it is...
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mnopq
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Re: Attraction: Is it cultural, personal, or chemical?
February 16, 2006 - 01:39 AM
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Originally posted by delphia
I see that not everybody agree with the 'chemistry' and love feeling but do you totally disagree with that? I buy your idea,dr. Will, that men pay more attention to the outer beauty while women to the inner beauty-the personality of the men. What do you think-will men's feelings change if a man loves a woman but they are separated for a long time (several months i.e.) and don't see each other during that time?
p.s.Oh,and I want to hear mnopq's personal point of view, not Darwin's or da Vinci's!!!!
Hello Mariya!
Well you want my personalopinion you will get it here
Let's put apart all the theories and opinions of other more intelligent, more experienced, more famous people.
I personally dont have any stereotypical approach when choosing among girls! it means I cannot say I like more blonds or brunes or girls with blue eyes etc.
I rather tend to, as Ursula mentionned, orient myself on an integral of that person! With time I realised that I tend to like mostly "crazy" girls, meaning girls with "cutting edge"(now thats another matter of a big defitnition). These kinda girls are those who are dinstiguished in the mass even if they dont wear something extraordinary, dont talk or say anything special or dont in any other sense differentiate in standard ways from others!
I think its because we humans feel rather the AURA of others, their strenght, colorfullness and mood being express in their aura!
Anyhow, thats what i think
Hope thats a satisfactory asnwer to your question about my personal opinion!
Cheers,
H.
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Mariya Kircheva
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Re: Attraction: Is it cultural, personal, or chemical?
February 16, 2006 - 03:01 AM
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I see that not everybody agree with the 'chemistry' and love feeling but do you totally disagree with that? I buy your idea,dr. Will, that men pay more attention to the outer beauty while women to the inner beauty-the personality of the men. What do you think-will men's feelings change if a man loves a woman but they are separated for a long time (several months i.e.) and don't see each other during that time?
p.s.Oh,and I want to hear mnopq's personal point of view, not Darwin's or da Vinci's!!!!
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mnopq
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Re: Attraction: Is it cultural, personal, or chemical?
February 21, 2006 - 01:56 AM
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Originally posted by delphia
Hi Hayk,
I asked you about your personal opinion because I wanted to know how you feel the matter!Thanks for the reply.I see that you too believe in this "chemistry"-when you feel the other person, his inner beauty and you know somehow that he is the one even before you know his name!Because I believe it!But as I said sometimes when you see somebody for the first time you see his appearance and make your first conscious impressions on the way he looks (sporty,elegant,short or long hair,etc.) and subconscious ones on his body language!And try to 'decode' him and put him in a familiar category of people you know.And yet you may be wrong about his personality from this first impression but it's proven by psychologists that all people do it.
Actually do you believe in love from first sight?
Cheers,
Mariya
I think the first thing to define is what is LOVE!
LOVE I can define in two ways: the more realistic and the idealistic.
The realistic one is:
LOVE = Intersection of (respect,physical attraction, liking, habit of being with someone, needing someone-physically and spiritually, trust, admiration)
I may have missed one or two "feats".
This means it is the combination of those which at the end of the day is called mostly by girls LOVE.
This realistic "version" of LOVE is much more typical in the real world hence the name, I would guess around 70% averaged.
The idealistic one is:
LOVE = something not explicable which makes you have your pulse going up when he/she is next to you;
or
LOVE = you are getting more strenght whe he/she is next to you;
or
LOVE = you are burning from inside when he/she is near; you feel you can do anything; nothing seems impossible;
etc, etc.
This one is more idealistic but is certainly true for some but not for all people. People say getting the one you will love and who will love you is like closing your eyes and making second finger of each of your hands to "match" each other, the chance is not big unless you train yourself.
So coming back to Mariya's question: YES, I believe to the LOVE at first glance cause I expericned something like that maybe not so strong to be called LOVE but still.
Cheers,
H.
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Mariya Kircheva
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Re: Attraction: Is it cultural, personal, or chemical?
February 21, 2006 - 02:47 AM
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Hi Hayk,
I asked you about your personal opinion because I wanted to know how you feel the matter!Thanks for the reply.I see that you too believe in this "chemistry"-when you feel the other person, his inner beauty and you know somehow that he is the one even before you know his name!Because I believe it!But as I said sometimes when you see somebody for the first time you see his appearance and make your first conscious impressions on the way he looks (sporty,elegant,short or long hair,etc.) and subconscious ones on his body language!And try to 'decode' him and put him in a familiar category of people you know.And yet you may be wrong about his personality from this first impression but it's proven by psychologists that all people do it.
Actually do you believe in love from first sight?
Cheers,
Mariya
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